The Devil You Know
by Aria Rayn
Summary: Remember Hansen? How does Sam react when her ex shows up at the SGC? Subtle sj, but mostly friendship. Sweet lil surprise at the end.. XD
1. Chapter 1

The Devil You Know

Captain Samantha Carter was speaking with one of the technicians in the control room when she heard a familiar drawl that sent her mind spiraling into an abyss of surprise and sickening terror.

"Samantha, Samantha, Samantha."

Her hands started to shake but she balled them quickly and replaced her stunned look with one of stubborn defiance. "Captain Hansen," she said coolly.

"What, you won't even look at me anymore, sweetie pie?"

_Damned right I won't. I spent months getting your face out of my nightmares._

The technician she was speaking to frowned, concerned. "Ma'am?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes? Oh, right. Now, when you try to dial it up agai –"

"Damn it, don't you ignore me!" Hansen roared, grabbing her arm and twisting her around.

Memories flashed through her mind so fast she hardly remembered they were the past, not present. "C'mon, baby, lemme play a little?" "I'm gonna f--- you so hard you shout for mercy, whore!" "You stupid bitch! You've been cheating on me, haven't you!" All the while, rough, hard, battle-worn hands – the hands of a killer – beating at her, scratching her, and the pain that would shoot through her groin when he invaded her before she was ready.

Out of reflex from her previous two years of self retraining, she grabbed his arm and twisted it around. He growled and countered her move with one of his own, and raised his fist to strike her.

When she saw that fist, she wasn't Captain Carter, Ph.D., level three advanced hand-to-hand, who swore she wouldn't take another raping from any man ever again for any reason. She was newly-graduated Lieutenant Carter, although you wouldn't know it; she was half-naked and scared, watching as his fist fell for another blow with all the strength he'd gained from his shady work in the military. Captain Carter squeezed her eyes shut and lifted her arm, hoping to block this one. It was all she could think in those days, "Just another block, please let that be a face strike so I can block that. Oh! – stomach strike? Ooof! Ohhh….groin strike. Another! – face! Ahhhg…stomach. Please, let me block another blow…"

Pain rippled through her side as Hansen's fist collided with her, a faint cracking feeling in her ribs. _Doc'll give me hell for that._

The logical, tactful soldier in her was giving instructions that were bluntly ignored by her panicky, fleeting fear – the first one, of course, DON'T PANIC. The second being, of course, OPEN YOUR EYES. She'd never block anything if she couldn't see him, right? The third being, FIGHT BACK DAMN IT!

She counted them. Four, five – ugh – six –

The beating ended suddenly, there never being a seventh blow. She opened her eyes. She was shaking, withering pathetically on the floor while two of the SFs restrained Hansen. It took her a moment to realize that she _was_ indeed on the cold floor of the control room, and that she wasn't going to be raped by that man anytime now – and hopefully never again.

Captain Carter pulled herself shakily to her feet, the technician catching her when she stumbled on her weary legs. "Thanks," she said, stumbling over the words like her legs stumbled over themselves.

The technician offered her a smile. "Anytime," he said. "You should go to the infirmary, ma'am."

Like hell! "I'm fine. They were weak punches," she added, the lie tasting dull and unconvincing even to her.

The technician raised an eyebrow in quite a Teal'c-like fashion. "All right, ma'am," he said slowly.

Captain Carter gave him a curt nod and left hastily, seeking the refuge of her lab.

A few hours later, her new CO, Colonel O'Neill, came storming into her lab, and she knew he'd been told of the display in the control room. Her hopes that it might simply slip their minds were short lived, and stupid. If wishes were horses…

"Captain, want to explain yourself?" he asked, waltzing up to her and folding his arms over his chest, eyes piercing hers in a blaring glare.

"Sir?"

"Control room, a captain, whole place going to hell in a hand basket, ring any bells?" he said sneeringly.

Captain Carter took a deep breath and turned to face him. "Sir, maybe it would help if I knew exactly what you've been told?" she asked. She hoped they hadn't made it out to be like she pounced on the man like a hungry wildcat, for no reason.

"Quit the crap and spill. Everything. Now."

Boy, Colonel O'Neill wasted no time and no time at all when he wanted something. With him, they'd defeat the Gou'ald in only a few short years. There was absolutely no "beating around the bush" with him – and apparently no science talk either. Which didn't leave her with much to chat about with him.

"Captain Hansen grabbed my shoulder and yanked me around," Captain Carter replied coolly. "I reacted. There's really nothing much to tell."

"He yanked you and that promoted an all out fight!" he exclaimed incredulously.

Captain Carter said flatly, "Sir, when a man grabs someone like that, you know he's not just fooling around."

Colonel O'Neill leaned in, his eyes growing darker, blacker. "He touched you…inappropriately?"

Captain Carter blushed, feeling flustered and very much cornered. "Erm, no sir, not this time," she said quickly, mentally kicking herself when she realized her slip.

Colonel O'Neill didn't miss that slip. "This time?" he repeated. "He's done it before?"

"It's a long story, sir."

He straightened. "I've got time," he said, voice calm and collected.

Captain Carter's gaze dropped to the ground. "Sir, I don't feel very comfortable…"

"Carter!" he barked, and she jumped, looking at him, alarmed. "I want answers! I don't like what I was told and I want to know what sent my 2IC cowering like a five year old when faced with an opponent she could've easily taken!"

Captain Carter went white.

"Oh yes, thought I'd forget that? Carter –" He sighed, rubbing his forehead and running his fingers through his hair. He leaned on the worktable slightly. He spoke again, his voice softer. "Carter, I know you could've taken that man. I've seen him around. He's no worse than that…Turghan guy you took on last week."

Captain Carter stared at him for a moment. "Sir, can I speak freely?" she finally asked.

He looked somewhat surprised, but nodded. "Sure."

"With all due respect, there's nothing you can do to me to get me to talk about this. I would rather get court marshaled, demoted, and discharged than talk about this, much less think about it, so if you'll excuse me…" she walked past him and exited her lab, hoping very much that he wouldn't call her bluff. And though it was true she wouldn't do anything to lose this job, what she said actually hadn't been that far from the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

When Captain Carter walked out on Colonel O'Neill, she hadn't planned a destination. She paused somewhere down the hallway.

Going home was out of the question. Going back to her lab and saying "Actually, this is MY lab; YOU leave" was out of the question. Hmm…

Her stomach grumbled a suggestion, and she laughed inwardly. _Well, the commissary it is,_ she thought, amused, and she headed that way.

In the commissary, she grabbed a coffee and some blue jello and sat down at an empty table near the far corner. As she chewed on the delicious blueness, she wondered if today could be salvaged. It looked somewhat brighter, she realized to her delight (though that could be the jello talking). She could start by apologizing to her CO. Though she'd gotten permission, she hadn't parted on the best of terms. But, she knew, sighing, he would want to know what was between her and Hansen.

_Rape, beatings, and my stupidity,_ she thought viciously, stabbing at her jello harshly. Maybe she _should_ tell Colonel O'Neill about her violent relationship with Hansen. What harm could it do? "Sir," she'd say, "I have good reason to be scared of Hansen…" and she'd go on to explain everything.

Then she realized there was no way he'd allow them to be in the SGC. One of them would be transferred, her, or Hansen.

_It would be me,_ she realized glumly. _I'm the one who can't handle it. And I'm the woman._

_He may be male but he's an asshole, _her conscience retorted. _If he can't stop the violence there's no way they're gonna keep him. Besides, you're the brains of the operation. They need you to keep the 'Gate going and every other scientific reason. Hansen probably can't replace a light bulb._ That thought pleased her immensely.

To tell or not to tell? Huh. She needed more jello.

Thankfully, the fates had pity on Captain Carter, and she didn't see him for the rest of the day. But, when she went to sleep, she fell into fits of nightmares, all about Hansen. When she woke up at 0220, she was too timid and sweaty and, well, generally icky-feeling to return to sleep, so she attempted a hot shower and breakfast –

"Attempted" being the operative word. Shakily she stripped and stepped into the shower, reaching for the knob. The minute she pulled it on, the water rushed out like thunder and she jumped as flashbacks assaulted her.

Hansen beating her in bed.

Hansen dragging her out of the shower to "sex her" (as she'd come to think of it, seeing as she had never said no).

Hansen howling in triumph when he came, always looking at her pained or fearful face and never actually seeing.

Sam shuddered, squeezing her eyes shut and bringing her hands to her ears, as though she could get his sneers or his howls or his face out of her scarred mind. It felt as it had during the first six or seven months back and it scared the hell out of Captain Carter how old terrors could come back to haunt her. What was next, her mother's death?

It was like her mind had just finished scabbing, the old scars fading and new tissue forming, along with it, a new life. A new chance to prove to herself she wasn't a weak, vulnerable woman who let men beat her. This was why she'd gotten so defensive when she'd first met Colonel O'Neill and his gang of "bad boys" in the briefing room.

And it was like those fading scars had been torn open again, with dull blades, and all the memories came flooding out of the old, reopened wounds.

She yanked the shower off as soon as she could manage to tear a hand from one of her ears, and stood there shivering for quite some time before she got the courage to get out of the shower.

Captain Carter put on her bathroom and wandered around her house, hesitating in every hall and room, expecting Hansen just around the corner. When she flicked on the lights, however, all she had were rooms full of unpacked boxes. Soon her entire house was alive with lights and music. She needed it – an empty, dark, silent house on top of nightmares was never good, and it was hell on her nerves. She should've seen this coming; after all, she'd had a routine in D.C. when she was pulling some major "cleansing-the-mind-and-soul" stuff. Her retraining was only half of it. In order to feel fully human, she needed peace in her mind and home – and trust that she wouldn't let him near her again.

That meant many nights turning the lights _on_ before she went to bed. It was always the same nightmare, always the same time; wake up at 0220. She turned on all the lights and put on music or the TV (though often the radio because there were usually scary films during the early-hour showings). Sometimes she did a lot of work and had a few hours of free time at work, which she would leave for at 0500. But mostly she would try to calm herself, to assure herself nothing was going to hurt her.

"It's not scary, Sam," Captain Carter said aloud, the soothing tunes of the radio blending weirdly with the memory of Hansen howls, screeches, and vicious words. "See? You're home. It's _safe_ here. Remember what Mom said a few months before she died? 'If you don't feel safe in your own home, it's time to move.' You don't really want to go house-hunting again, do you? You love this house."

Self-pity and self-assurance sucked. What she wouldn't give to be back in D.C., chatting with one of her closest friends, Steve. He was the only one, save for her CO, who knew why she had been coming in to work at 0500 when she only needed to be there at 0700, and why she often looked like hell despite her perfectly groomed appearance. Steve had always been there; he encouraged her to call, even in the dead of night. He was better than the shrinks her old CO had originally ordered her to see, and once Colonel Jennings had realized that, he'd allowed her to stop seeing them.

Captain Carter briefly wondered what time it was in D.C., but excused the thought of calling Steve before she could calculate it.

She was a big girl. She had to handle this on her own. If she couldn't, then maybe she shouldn't be stationed at the SGC, and that wasn't acceptable.


	3. Chapter 3

(A Few Days Later)

Late afternoon the next day, Captain Carter was called to Colonel O'Neill's office. Confused and worried – _What is it now? Did someone tell him I jumped Hansen in the elevator or something?_ – she hurried to get there.

Captain Carter stood outside his office door a couple minutes later. Gathering her courage – what little of it she seemed to have – she knocked.

"Come in."

She opened the door and stepped inside. Colonel O'Neill was sitting behind his desk, leaning back in the chair and fiddling with a paperweight. He motioned for her to further enter the room and she did so.

"Oh, and close the door."

Captain Carter's suspicious nature was barely contained now. Images of Hansen demanding her body now assaulted her, only with Colonel O'Neill in his place. Carter shuddered, and told herself firmly that Colonel O'Neill would never do any such thing, and it was ridiculous to even think it.

She closed the door and turned. "You wanted to see me, sir?" she asked cautiously.

He stood and watched her for a moment before speaking. When he did speak, he made fists out of his hands and gestured at her, letting them fall limp at his sides when he said, "_Please_ tell me what's wrong."

He was asking, not ordering? "Sir?"

"We have a mission tomorrow, Carter. You've been walking around like a zombie. I've had several comments from people about you."

_Does no one mind their own damned business anymore?_ she wondered, irritably and incredulously.

"I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't feel like I've been walking around like the undead."

_Liar, liar,_ her conscience taunted.

"Bull," Colonel O'Neill dismissed with a wave of his hand. "And furthermore, if the bags under your eyes get any bigger I'll be able to move in. I'm giving you another chance to tell me what's going on before I tell Hammond we have to postpone the mission."

"For what reason, sir?" she asked, alarmed.

"Because my 2IC is unfit for duty," he said, his darkening eyes telling Captain Carter there was no question in his mind that she wasn't, or wouldn't be very, very soon. And in all honesty, she knew he was right.

Carter sighed. "I'm not going to like this, and neither are you," she told him. "You might want to sit down, sir."

Colonel O'Neill considered her a moment, then sat as she suggested. "That bad?" he asked, motioning for her to do the same.

She sat. "No. Worse." She took a deep breath and tried to keep eye contact when she began her sorry tale, but her eyes wandered the moment she started. They rested on a picture of an F-16 hanging on the wall behind him. "He beat me, sir."

"Say again?"

"He beat me. It was years ago, but it's something I'll never forget and always regret. I was a doormat, letting him track his boots all over me. He was charming and sweet at first, but he got brutal and merciless as days went on."

Colonel O'Neill seemed to know right where this was heading. "Why didn't you just leave him, Carter?" His voice was soft but incredulous, and disappointed. She winced; she didn't want his pity.

"I thought it was fair. I was stupid, newly graduated. I didn't have a clue about the world, or relationships. I thought that, by letting him do what he wanted at night, I would get my charming, sweet, funny boyfriend, and eventually, fiancé, the rest of the time," she said, feeling so humiliated it stung and sickened her. This was the last conversation she'd ever wanted to have with this man, her CO, and someone she respected immensely.

Captain Carter looked at him to see he'd closed his eyes. "You agreed to marry him?" he said flatly.

"Stupidly, yes."

"What happened?" Obviously she hadn't married him, or she'd be sitting there as Captain Hansen, looking a hell of a lot worse.

"It lasted for months, and only got worse. He wasn't just wild and careless at night, he…he was drunk and violent all the time. Whenever we both had free time, you could bet he would come to my apartment, and whatever I was doing, I had to stop."

She didn't have to tell him what she had to stop _for_. He nodded slowly.

Strangely, Captain Carter felt somewhat encouraged. Continuing wasn't as painful as it was before. "Eventually, I got tired of it. I would hear my coworkers talk about what they were getting their wives for their anniversary or what they and their girlfriends were doing for his/her birthday. I started missing going out with him, the good man he'd been."

"So…one night you said no?"

She laughed bitterly. "I got as far as half a sentence before he took me. We argued afterwards, and that was when he beat me. I was knocked out. I woke up late in the afternoon the next day, my phone and cell and pager ringing wildly with half a dozen messages each. I…he…"

Colonel O'Neill tapped on the desk slowly, thoughtfully. "He raped you," he said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Captain Carter nodded shamefully. "That's when reality finally came to call. I knew my relationship with him wasn't normal; it was wrong. I asked for a transfer to D.C. and got it. My friends and coworkers volunteered to help pack. On my way to the airport, I stopped at his house and left the ring on the doorstep."

"He didn't try to stop you?"

Carter laughed again. "I was too scared to confront him, so I waited until he was sent on another mission before I executed my plans. He was never told where I was going; my friends and my commanding officer had refused to tell him. I called them later to let them know I got there okay, and to thank them. That's pretty much where the story ends; the rest, as they say, is history. I rebuilt my life and was introduced to the Stargate. That, and Steve, was probably the only thing that kept me sane through the nightmares."

Colonel O'Neill was silent for a moment. "That's what's been going on for the past few days? Nightmares?"

Carter nodded. "The same every time," she said bitterly. "Just like in D.C. Go to sleep, have the nightmares, wake up at 0220. Like life's got a cruel game for me, those nightmares being as regular and on-time as when to get up for work."

Things were silent for a few more minutes. Colonel O'Neill fiddled with his paperweight again, obviously at loss for what to say, and Carter stared at the poster of the F-16 on the wall some more, not quite believing that she just spilled her greatest regret to her CO – who she barely knew – when she couldn't bring herself to tell her dad or brother about it.

Finally, Carter's nerves got the best of her. "Oh, just tell me you're going to have me reassigned and get done with it, sir," she said with all the air of a person about to be struck down.

His eyes shot to hers in surprise. "Carter," he said firmly, "if there's anything I'm _not_ going to do, it's have you reassigned. The SGC needs that giant brain of yours."

_That's right, I'm one giant brain, no heart or feelings,_ she thought heatedly, saying nothing because she knew it wasn't meant to offend her.

"Carter, tell me you can handle Hansen being here."

Captain Carter looked at him with sad eyes. "Oh, I can handle him here; it's easy to avoid someone." She swallowed hard.

"But?" he prompted.

"The nightmares," she whispered.

Colonel O'Neill didn't even blink; he nodded, rose, and walked around his desk to sit in the seat beside hers. "Hey," he said softly, so softly it tore her gaze from his wall, and placed it securely on him. He held out his hand, and she shakily placed hers on his. He squeezed it gently, and the touching gesture pricked at her heart, bringing tears threatening to cascade.

"Now, I'm crap at touchy-feely stuff, but there's no reason why I can't be here for you. My team is important to me, and I wouldn't order my worst enemy to see a shrink," he offered her a goofy smile, and she choked on her laugh, wiping her eyes to stop tears from falling. "Hey, c'mere," he said, scooting his chair closer to hers. He pulled her into a hug, guiding her head to his shoulder. The act touched her so deeply that the tears did come, washing his shirt and neck.

A few minutes later, she stopped crying, her tears ending with a sniffle and a sigh. She suddenly realized she didn't want to leave his strong, safe embrace. Also realizing the ridiculous nature of her desire – she prided herself for not needing a man – she tugged back slightly, and he let her ease away.

"Better?" he asked.

She smiled. "Better."


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you everyone for your reviews :) They really help!

Captain Carter wiped the remains of her tears off her cheeks and sighed, hoping he would let her stay in his office until her nose and cheeks weren't all red and her eyes all puffy.

"Hey!" Colonel O'Neill said suddenly, a boyish grin in place. "I've got a cure-all for ya!"

_Another Jack O'Neill hug?_ she found herself thinking cheekily. Blushing slightly, she asked, "What?"

"Cake!" He said the word carefully and excitedly, as though it were the world's greatest treasure.

His boyish charm made her giggle. "Ah!" she heard him say playfully. "No giggling, Captain!"

She threw him a sloppy salute. "Yessir!" she joked, feeling better than she had in days. When she giggled again, he groaned and dragged her to her feet, marching her down to the commissary, claiming that if, "I don't take you, you won't eat. Period."

"I do too eat!" she argued with a grin.

"Regularly?" he asked when they got to the elevator.

She shifted uncomfortably as the doors closed in front of them. "Erm…"

"Aha! I knew it!" he said smugly, smirking.

Captain Carter ducked her head to hide her own smile, and when the doors opened, the two went out to the commissary, Colonel O'Neill whistling "We're Off to See the Wizard" the entire way.

"So," he said as they sat down, him with his cake and her with her jello, "how'd you do it the last time?"

"Sir?"

He leaned in closer; thankfully, there weren't many people in the commissary, so they weren't overheard. "The nightmares?" he said. "How'd you deal with them the last time?"

Sam shifted the jello in its cup with her spoon. "Barely," she said. "I barely dealt with it. I think it was my work and Steve that got me through, and my training. Well, retraining; I'd gotten out of practice during my time with Hansen. So now you know why I'm such a workaholic," she said with a wry smile.

He nodded. "Steve?" he asked.

"A coworker and my closest friend. He was the only one who knew about Hansen; the others knew something was up, they just didn't know what. And he was the only one to drive me crazy with questions until I told him." Her smile grew as the memories came. "Somehow he knew exactly how to help me; I don't know how, or why he would, but I'm glad he did."

"What'd he do?" Colonel O'Neill asked. She looked at him, her mind dragged out of her memories. He seemed genuinely interested – why?

"Well…to be honest, he was just – there. When I was ordered to see a shrink, and I was ordered to see a lot of shrinks, he tried to come with me whenever he could. When I woke up from my nightmares one night, I called him, wanting just to hear a friendly voice, and apologized half a dozen times for doing so. He encouraged me to call him after every nightmare, and after an hour or so, I would begin to feel sleepy. I would fall asleep on the phone with him, and I would be too tired to dream, even nightmares. When he heard me sleep, he'd hang up. In the morning, there would be hot coffee and cinnamon rolls on my desk, or fruit or something else from the commissary. Then at lunchtime he'd drag me out of my office for lunch and I'd pay." Carter shrugged. "My way of paying back for breakfast I doubt he's paid off the phone bills yet, though…"

Colonel O'Neill grinned. "I like the guy already. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels as though he needs to practically order you to eat."

Carter blushed. "I'm not _that_ bad, sir," she mumbled, picking at her jello.

"Call me."

Carter choked. "Sir?" she asked through her coughing.

"When you wake up from nightmares. Call me. Just like Steve."

Carter stared at him for a moment. "You don't have to do that, sir," she said quietly.

Colonel O'Neill ran his fingers through his hair. "No. But I want to." He watched her, concern glowing in his eyes. "I want my team to be safe. That's more than just making sure you guys don't get your asses killed on an alien planet. That means trying to help in any way I can. Besides, if I can get you to eat, I can get you to sleep!" he said cheekily.

Captain Carter smiled. "I'm not sure you can order me to sleep, sir," she said. _Especially when I know another nightmare is just around the corner._

Colonel O'Neill waggled his eyebrows in a way that made her go weak in the knees (_What the hell? Earth to emotions – that's my COMMANDING OFFICER!_). She was awfully glad she was sitting and not standing, or she might've fainted then and there. "Wanna bet?" he asked.

A few seconds passed before she was able to reply: "Not really, sir. I wouldn't want to cheat you out of your money and your dignity."

Colonel O'Neill's jaw dropped and he laughed. "So there _is_ a little smartass somewhere in there!" he exclaimed, smirking. "We'll just have to work on that, won't we?" he said, shaking a finger at her playfully. He got up from the table. "See you later, Carter," he said.

"Goodbye, sir." Carter watched him leave, and fleeting hope came to mind; _Maybe he won't really want me to –_

"Don't forget to call tonight!" he yelled from the hall.

_- never mind._


	5. Chapter 5

Captain Carter turned off the lights in her lab as she exited it, her laptop bag and coat in tow. It was 1900 and she was calling it a night. There was no way she was pulling a graveyard shift tonight; she was way too exhausted to begin with, and then there was the mission the next day. She paused thoughtfully with a frown – Colonel O'Neill _would_ let her go on this one, right? Perhaps she should stop by his office to make sure…

…Nah. Carter shook her head. Her own bed in her own home sounded very good, despite the inevitable nightmares that were to come. The first few moments as she fell asleep would be wonderful…

Captain Carter sighed and continued the walk to the elevator. "So much for sanity," she mumbled, thinking about her life; Hansen, nightmares, the Stargate – not to mention the dangerous situations they found themselves in every other DAY. She must be insane. Crazy. Nuts. Wacko!

The elevator doors opened to reveal Jonas Hansen.

_Holy crap!_ She jumped and scooted back a full five feet from the elevator. _Just try to come out, Hansen,_ she thought fearfully as she trembled. _I might not be able to fight you, but I can sure as hell run and I can SCREAM. And you know I have one hell of a set of lung, too. Those SFs will be on you like a pack of wolves._

Hansen's lips turned up in a smirk as he leaned lazily against the rail on the elevator. "Samantha, Samantha, Samantha," he said, "not getting in the elevator? I'm hurt."

_Please close, please close, please close…_ Carter begged at the elevator doors. _Close and take him all the way down to hell._ Heh. "Hellevator". Nice ring to it. One-way ticket for Jonas Hansen, please.

Just as the elevator doors started to close, he strolled through, seemingly nonchalant. Carter didn't stick around to find out if he was his violent self today; she turned and bolted down the hallways, hearing him swear and speed up to catch her. Her grin trembled. If there was one thing he _couldn't_ do, it was catch her. She was one deadly runner. She could outrun him day or night, rain or shine, hail or snow.

The fates had sweet mercy on her, for as she neared the end of the hallways, she got to the elevator at the other end just as Siler and some other people were walking in. "Hold it for me!" she shouted, her "OR ELSE!" voice mixing with terror.

Siler and another man held the doors and she skidded in, slapping the button that would take her topside. She nodded to them and they released the doors. Hansen's face was just a line in the doorway when he shouted, "Hold 'em!"

"_Don't_!" Carter ordered. She paused, then added, a genuine smile – though shaky – on her face, "Thanks." She squeezed Siler's forearm, and the forearm of…Sergeant Ernie Huh.

"Are you alright, ma'am?" Siler asked, concerned.

_The rumor mill must be saying I'm crazy, insane, that I can't handle the pressure. That I'm a weak, silly female who thinks she can handle everything the SGC runs into. That –_

"Yes. I'm okay."

_Liar, liar,_ her conscience once again taunted.

At home, she went to work unpacking more boxes. As the hours clicked on, so did the lights. When it was dark out, her entire house was lit. Music poured through the house, music that she sang to and danced to as she placed items on shelves and shoved unneeded boxes in closets. It was 2100 when she was finally sleepy enough to sleep. She changed into her Piglet pj bottoms and her Snoopy tee-shirt.

As Carter crawled into bed, she noticed the open window. Huh? She didn't remembering opening…

Uh-oh.

"Hey Sammie."

Carter turned slowly and screamed as he advanced on her, ripping and tearing at her nightclothes and trailing vicious, burning kisses and bites all over her before he –

"_Ah!_" Carter yelped, squealing. Her body, sheets and clothes were soaked with sweat. The window was, indeed, open, but Hansen was not there. She was fully clothed and didn't smell sex on her. The clock read, as always, 0220.

"Well, that was a slightly different nightmare," she said aloud, her voice stuttering shakily. That was the first nightmare she'd had that took place in her new home. What next, a nightmare of Hansen raping her in her lab, in the gateroom, off-world!

She paused a moment, looking at the phone on her nightstand. _To call or not to call, THAT is the question!_ she thought. Her eyes darted to every corner of the room again, just to make sure. Actually, she should check her whole house, just to make sure. Where was her gun? Or maybe she should start keeping pointy thingys in her nightstand for this very purpose.

Taking her gun, she cautiously moved through her lighted house, sneaking up on every invisible Hansen she could find. Real Hansens? She found none, thankfully. With that knowledge, she made her way back to her room, somewhat reassured.

She was about to attempt sleep again (miracles were real, right?) when her phone rang. Huh? Instantly she was bombarded by the image of the phone ringing, her answering, hearing Hansen, and screaming as he charged in the room, throwing his cell down and reaching for his belt.

When the intense moment subsided several seconds later, she realized the phone was still ringing. _"_I'm being ridiculous," she muttered as she snatched the phone off the cradle. "Hello?" she said cautiously, braced to hear Hansen's voice even though it was, as she'd already deemed it, ridiculous.

"Didn't I tell you to call me?" demanded a very…tired and sarcastic Colonel.

"Sir?" Captain Carter said incredulously, tiredness etched in her voice. "What's going on?"

"I knew you wouldn't call me so I set my alarm clock to 0220. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate my orders being ignored?"

Pause. "You never made it an order, sir," she said grumpily, "and sir, respectfully, you're your information, I was going to call you!" _Liar, liar._

"Ah-huh. Sure."

Damn. "Okay, I was _thinking_ about calling."

"Carter, it's 0235. How long do you need to think about calling someone before you call?"

Carter blushed vividly. "Well, I – I was – you see, I was just…"

Colonel O'Neill's voice was softer, now. "You were what, Carter?"

She gulped and said, "_Iwascheckingmyhousetomakesureheisn'there,_" and squeezed her eyes closed, waiting to hear his mocking laughter.

No laughter. "I understand. The same nightmare?"

Captain Carter shuddered. "No…"

There was hesitation on the line again. "Do…d'you want to tell about it?"

"Erm…uh, sure. I guess. It was different…I felt like I was replaying my entire evening, but when I slipped under the covers for bed, I noticed my window open. In the dream, I didn't open it, and behind my I heard him say, 'Hey Sammie'…and when I turned around…" she stopped, pressing the mouthpiece to her neck so he couldn't hear her shuddering breaths or the whimpering that threatened tears. Those tears pricked at her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall, as though somehow her CO would know she was crying.

"Hey, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Umm…hey, did ya watch the game?" he asked lightly.

"Football?"

He mocked-gasped, "Carter! Sacrilege! It's not even football season!"

"Oh." She blushed more deeply. "Well, what game were you talking about, then? Sir."

"_Hockey_, Carter. _Hockey._ And drop the sir."

"Sir?" Carter asked, puzzled.

"Carter, I'm on the phone with you at…0239, talking about hockey. Do the tags really matter?"

She fingered the dog-tags around her neck. She'd gotten to a point where she just never took them off anymore. "Erm…yes and no. No as in not really and yes as in it's a habit – sir. Erm…"

There was another lapse of silence. "I saw Hansen again today," she said quietly.

"What happened?" there was a lot of concern and a tint of anger in his voice.

"I ran through the halls like a…like some coward and he chased me. I got to the other elevator before he did and got away."

"The asshole chased you?"

Carter smirked. "Yeah. I…I can't fight him, but I sure as hell can outrun him, sir."

"And to think I thought you crazy for getting up an extra hour early to run every morning."

"You thought I was crazy, sir!" She was a little offended and slightly hurt. What else did he think of her? Had she no one's respect anymore? "This was a bad idea, sir," she said hastily before he could reply. "Goodnight, sir. I'll see you tomorrow."

She hung up, and ignored his consecutive calls. Four…five…six…he stopped after six. She lay there, allowing tears to flow freely now. Wasn't it enough that she had to deal with that abusive bastard? Did she have to lose the respect of everyone else around her as well?


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Carter came into work, hoping to avoid everyone. She slipped into her lab and wasn't heard from until the briefing at 0800.

"Morning Sam," Daniel said from the table, half-engrossed in the report he was reading. He yawned and reached for his cup of coffee.

It wasn't until she was sitting at her usual spot that she realized there was a cup on her place, right beside her own report folder. It was steaming

Teal'c nodded to her from across the table. "A person whom I am not allowed to identify requested that I leave that beverage on your place at the table. He also requested that I inform you that the commissary has no cinnamon rolls."

Captain Carter blinked. "Oh. Thank you, Teal'c." And thank you, Colonel! Maybe he didn't have as little respect for her as she imagined. Or maybe he pitied her…or maybe she was just overanalyzing a simple, nice gesture.

"Captain Carter?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah?"

"What is a cinnamon roll?"

Carter replied, after a second of silence, "It's a pastry that has cinnamon – a really tasty ingredient, like sugar – in it, usually topped with icing."

Teal'c inclined his head. "Indeed," he said, and General Hammond walked in.

"Where is Colonel O'Neill?" he asked immediately, puzzled by the absence of his 2IC.

The three shared a look, and Carter was about to reply when Colonel O'Neill hurried in. "Here, sir."

Hammond nodded. "Alright people. What's on the agenda today?"

Captain Carter sighed heavily with relief when she got to her lab. Another trip from the briefing room to her lab, Hansen-less and, this time, Colonel-less.

"Thank god," she muttered, reaching over to examine her "doohickey" as Colonel O'Neill liked to call it.

She'd been examining the bulky device for a good fifteen minutes when she heard an "ahem" outside the open door. She looked up. _Oh shit._

"Hey Sammie," Hansen said, stalking into her lab with glinting eyes.

Carter started to shiver. _Shit, that's the only way out!_ she thought, panicky. _Oh shit oh shit oh SHIT! It's not just going to be a dream! He's gonna rape me right in my lab!_

Then something snapped in her. _Not if I can help it,_ she thought viciously, grabbing a heavy wrench from her worktable and holding it in front of her in her right hand, while fumbling for her knife with the other. Damn, where was that knife!

Hansen chuckled. "Samantha, Samantha, Samantha, do you really think you can stop me from getting what I want?"

"Not really," she answered, her tongue feeling gluey in her mouth. "But I can beat the crap out of you trying!"

"Can you really believe that too?"

Carter didn't answer for a moment, glaring frightfully and angrily at Hansen, when her fingers hit the jackpot; her left hip, a small gun. Without answering him, she tore into the fabric of her waistband and closed her hand around the weapon.

"No, but then again," she aimed the gun at his chest, "I don't have to, Hansen."

She would've felt more confident if he'd backed away, looking at least a little ruffled by the fact she was aiming a gun at a pretty vital organ of his. But he didn't; he just stood there, smirking. "Oh, Sammie," he said with a sigh, and he started toward her – slowly, terrorizing.

As he came toward her, she slipped back, her left arm trembling. She didn't dare try to transfer the gun to her right hand, the better hand, and the wrench visa-versa.

"You won't shoot me, Sammie. You care too much; that's your weakness! But I, _I_ can make you strong."

Carter wasn't going to fool for that; still, she was surprised he was wasting time. A part of her just wished he'd get on with it, but her no-nonsense officer side just wouldn't say "give up". She was also surprised when she felt her lower back brush against the worktable. Shit, this was really going to happen. All her work, training, down the toilet. She was going to be raped, then transferred, and the most he'd get was a court marshal.

Hansen hadn't bought her bluff; she couldn't shoot him. How could she? It was against everything she stood for, and he hadn't actually attacked her yet. It was coming, and if she didn't want to be raped, she'd use common sense and shoot the damned bastard, but no judge would ever see it that way.

The next minute he lunged at her, grabbing her and whipping her from the desk to the wall. He slammed her against it, and her weak attempt to stop him from doing so was tossed away like a rag doll. He quickly disarmed her and tried to pin her with his body, but Carter shoved her knee up, blocking him, trying to keep as much distant between her crotch and his.

Hansen impatiently wrenched her knee down, and a flash of hot pain shot through her upper thigh. "Agh!" she yelped, trying to push him away. He was relentless, pulling down her pants and underwear.

_Oh, god! It's really happening! I haven't been with anyone since him – oh god, this is gonna hurt – oh god…!_

"HEY!"

Captain Carter's eyes shot to the door and she practically died with relief when she saw Colonel O'Neill there. Maybe he did respect her still, maybe he didn't, but he'd never let Hansen rape her.

"HEY!" Colonel O'Neill roared again, and he ran at Hansen, who didn't stop. Hansen was stripping himself and got as far as his pants before he was grabbed.

Hansen growled when she squirmed again and punched her in the face. Pain blossomed across her cheekbone, somewhere under her eye. Soon his crushing weight was lifted off of her and she crumbled to the floor like a sack of wheat. Above her, Hansen and Colonel O'Neill were fighting like a pair of rabid bears, the Colonel with his black ops training having the upper hand. Hansen tripped over his pants, which were pooled around his ankles, and Colonel O'Neill promptly knocked him out with the fallen wrench.

Discarding the wrench, O'Neill rushed to Carter's side. "Carter, Carter!" he hissed, shaking her. "C'mon, answer me!"

Carter was conscious, and tried to answer but she couldn't. She was shivering, her mind going blank. She recognized the symptoms of shock but was powerless to evade them. She knew she should answer, "Yes, sir, thank you, sir!" but soon that familiar sentence too flew out the window with the rest of her "technobabblin' brain".

"Damn," the Colonel cursed, patting her down to check for broken bones. When he reached her right thigh she yelped, then moaned. O'Neill swore under his breath again and yanked up her pants and underwear to preserve some of her dignity before he phoned the infirmary for a stretcher to wheel her around.

"C'mon, Carter," he said, taking her by the shoulder, coaxing her up verbally and physically. "Let's get you to the infirmary. It's over. You don't have to worry about him anymore. His ass will get whooped from here to hell and back." The thought took a moment to register, but after that moment he was rewarded with a weak smile. He helped her walk to the elevator and met the stretcher halfway.

"Okay, Carter, this'll make life easier for ya. Up ya go."

He waited for her to make a move to get up on the stretcher, knowing he would have to help her when she did. But Carter stared at it for a moment and said, "No."

"Carter, get on the stretcher."

Captain Carter blinked. "No," she insisted. "Let me wal –"

Colonel O'Neill let her go so abruptly she nearly fell into a heap on the floor again; she grabbed the rail of the stretcher so she wouldn't. He kneeled beside her. "Need I say more?" he asked.

She shook her head and he helped her onto the stretcher. He and the two medics wheeled her to the infirmary, but first O'Neill motioned for the two SFs. He told them that Hansen was unconscious in Captain Carter's lab and they needed to take him to a holding cell.

"Not the infirmary, sir?" one SF asked. Colonel O'Neill's glower was answer enough.

"You're lucky," the new CMO, Dr. Fraiser told Captain Carter later. "Your leg has only a minor sprain above the knee. It's going to be painful for a while but that should be the worst of it."

Carter nodded blankly, and Dr. Fraiser hovered at the end of her bed. Thinking better of leaving, Fraiser walked around to the head of the bed. "Are you sure you're all right, Captain?" she asked softly.

Another voice answered for her. "No, she's not."

The two women looked over to see Colonel O'Neill stroll in. "Hey Carter," he said somewhat awkwardly.

Captain Carter smiled weakly again. "Sir," she said. "Thanks for –"

He waved away her thank-you. "Think nothing of it," he said, and her shadowy face revealed that it was a lot more than nothing in her mind.

"Yes sir," she said quietly, her gaze dropping to her hands.

A moment passed and Dr. Fraiser said, "I'll be in my office if you need me, Captain." Carter nodded and the small, friendly woman left, her heels clicking down the hallway.

Colonel O'Neill sighed audibly and he pulled up a chair. "Look, Carter," he said, rubbing his forehead, "about the other night…I don't know what I said that hurt you or pissed you off or…whatever, but whatever it was I'm sorry."

"It's my fault sir," she said, still not meeting his gaze.

"How's that?"

"If I weren't so…weak, I wouldn't have lost everyone's respect. It was only a matter of time before you didn't–"

"Whoa!" he said rather loudly. She looked up. Colonel O'Neill looked very confused. "What made you think I lost respect for you? Carter…" he sighed. "The whole running thing was meant to be a joke. A stupid joke, but nonetheless. And I think I respected you from the minute you stepped in that door."

"You did?" she said, surprised.

"Yeah, that so hard to believe?"

"Oh…well, you didn't seem to…" she said hesitantly.

"Carter, you rendered Ferretti speechless. How could I _not_ respect that?" he said with a quirky smile.

She gave a small, nervous laugh and her eyes darted around the room. "Wh – where is he?" she asked tentatively.

O'Neill's eyes darkened and he answered, "In a holding cell."

"Y- you banged him pretty hard. Won't you get in trouble for that?"

Colonel O'Neill grinned grimly. "I'm the 2IC of the entire damned base, and he's just the commander of an SG team. It's my word against his and we have proof he attacked you, with every intention of rape."

"Again," she whispered. He gave her an odd look, and she shook her head. "What's the proof?" she asked.

"My word as a witness and the tape from security."

"You might want to get that tape now, and not let it out of your sight," Carter advised. "Hansen has ways of getting what he wants. Not all of them are as blunt as rape." Her eyes sank to the space between them, surprised when that space suddenly closed. She looked up just as she was engulfed in an enormous O'Neill hug.

"You'll get through this," Colonel O'Neill whispered. "Trust me. I'm going to help you every way I can."


	7. Chapter 7

(For all those who aren't totally familiar with season 1, _The Broca Divide _is set before _Ten Commandments_.)

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Captain Carter felt powerful, strong, like she was queen of the world. Like no one under her could possibly overrule her. She would need to exercise this newfound power, she knew, and searched for a way to do so.

She got up from the stool in her lab and felt a wave of pain ripple through her thigh, and immediately remembered who'd dealt that pain. Hansen.

Evil bastard. She'd kill him! Strip him and deal back every ounce of pain she'd given her. She would prove her dominance over men! And when she was done, she would tear out his heart and shove it in his mouth. Hansen had no heart! He was compassionless, evil, and had no right to live!

Captain Carter smirked and growled with the satisfaction of this thought, and changed into a small top, leaving her khaki pants on. She studied herself in a mirror for as long as she could, basking in her image. She was strongest! Stronger than any in the universe! Gou'ald? Mere mosquitoes! Hansen? Rotten, evil filth that would be removed; filth that did not deserve her presence.

After a moment, her need for blood and flesh overcame her and she stalked from the room, down the halls, not caring who saw her. Men gawped and stumbled and spat out coffee at the sight of her, quickly moving to the side. Carter smirked; at least these men knew their place. How could she have possibly thought she did not have their respect? She had more than their respect, much more! She had their fear and admiration; she was commander of them all!

The men's locker room. What a horrid idea. They should not hide their nude figures from women. But that was where she would find Hansen, and if there were others present, she would show Hansen's dead, naked form and let them know that _that_ was what happened when a man attempted to abuse Samantha Carter!

When she arrived, she wanted to growl and howl her anger and frustration. Hansen wasn't there. Where was he! Dare he hide his presence from his ruler! She would - !

Wait. Who was there? That man – half-hidden. She knew immediately. Colonel Jack O'Neill.

Captain Carter's eyes grew dark. Oh yes, this man pleased her immensely. But she had never had him; he had never attempted to please her. How could he! No matter. He would. She knew he wanted her; all men must long for a woman, was that not correct? And she was by far the most attractive, most powerful woman on base. He would not refuse her, surely!

As he tugged a shirt out of his locker, she waited. She wanted to be able to tear _that _item of clothing off his form along with the rest of the clothes. But she simply could not stand there and do nothing; she slammed closed his open locker, and he looked at her.

"Oh, sorry Carter, didn't see you there," he said, and put on the black shirt.

Now! She would take him now! She could wait no longer.

Carter swung him to face her and took the back of his head, guiding his lips to hers in a fierce kiss, and then looped her arms under his and snaked them around to his back, pressing his body to her own. She willed her body to be saying: "Have me. Let me ravish you. You are mine. I am yours. But mostly you are mine." and expected him to respond in kind: "Take me. I will take you. Give your naked flesh to me and mine is yours."

But he responded in no such way. "Whoa, what, Carter!"

"I want you," she said simply, huskily, and put his lips back on hers.

"Wha – why? I mean, no!" he protested into her mouth. She growled, infuriated by his lack of desire, but was not fazed. She threw him on the bench effortlessly, with one quick movement, and mounted his hips with all due haste.

"You want me?" she said, leaving no room for question or protest. She kissed him again, wriggling her lower half on his, feeling him respond even further. He could not tell her that he did not desire her; his body spoke all too well.

"Not like this!" he said, and she broke off the kiss for air, but shortly returned. Of course he wanted her. She slipped her legs between his, increasing the contact, this time rocking slowly. He gave a small moan and tried to cover it, but she heard and her determination to bed him was concrete.

Wait, what was he doing? Ah, yes! Yes! He rolled himself off the bench, trapping her underneath him on the floor. Yes! Carter wanted – needed! – him to strip their clothing and do it!

"I think it's time for you to see a doctor, _doctor,_" he snapped, picking himself up, and her too. **_What?_** She growled her frustration and clawed at him as he carried her out into the hall. When he shifted her in his arms, trying to hold her like he would a very large baby, she let her lower half fall to the ground and snatched his wrist, guiding his hand under her shirt to her breast, curving his hand to mold to it.

He gawped and his knees nearly buckled beneath him, and he ripped back his hand, staring at her incredulously. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Carter!" Colonel O'Neill demanded, bringing eyes staring his way.

"Want you," she purred, a glint of lust in her eye, her hand snaking to his neck. She pulled herself up and, before he could fight her off again, she kissed him again.

This time he used all his strength to shove her away from him completely. She flew back into the other wall but lunged back, connecting her body to his like they were a pair of magnets.

"Hey!" he yelled at the SFs, "Wanna give a guy a hand! Get over here and get her off me!"

Three SFs exchanged a look and quickly came to assist the Colonel. Two sets of hands pried her off him, and the third held him in place so she couldn't drag him with her.

How dare they! They did not receive her approval to touch her! She was their ruler, a queen of all men! They would not give her such disrespect! They would suffer the same fate as Hansen! She would hunt Hansen down and then hunt them! She –

The world went black.


	8. Chapter 8

A couple of days later, Captain Carter sat in her lab, groaning. She still could not believe she'd tried to seduce her CO. How embarrassing! What if he'd been effected then, too, and hadn't stopped her? She could be pregnant! Then how would she tell her father? He'd skin her alive!

But he HAD stopped her. She wasn't pregnant. She didn't have to tell her father squat.

But how embarrassing. She hadn't lost his respect before, over Hansen, but he sure as hell did now. How could he not? She was all over him like a slut in heat.

Well, he'd sure as hell backed off after that. At 0220, after her nightmares, he didn't call to demand a reason why she hadn't called. When she showed up for briefings with rings under her eyes the color of street cement, he didn't give her a friendly, concerned look, and there wasn't coffee at her place either. Maybe she'd scared him away, made him feel like he'd crossed a line or two. Like he was getting too friendly.

Why couldn't they be friends? Carter didn't see a reason why not. Then she sighed. Of course she did. There was one perfectly good explanation as to why friendship couldn't be a factor.

She, Captain Carter, found herself noting on several occasions his attractiveness. She'd always told herself afterwards that she could appreciate the male body of any guy, and that it was neither her fault nor his that his happened to be even more appreciative than the others.

But then she, Captain Carter, had also chosen him to seduce in the locker room. There were a few others present, admittedly leaving, but she had chosen him. She… she didn't quite _know_ him, but she had tried too, and that made it almost as bad…

If they were friends, mutually appreciative of each other's minds, that coworker-friendship would turn into close friendship.

And if she was close friends with Jack O'Neill, she knew she could fall in love with him.

_My heart really is that weak,_ she thought, remembering her first crush, her first serious boyfriend, and then, Hansen.

While others claimed to have no memory whatsoever of the virus, she remembered it vividly. She remembered…her attraction for him…it was…a little more than…physical. A little. Just a smidgen. Almost nothing.

Almost.

Captain Carter groaned and put her head down on the worktable, covering it with her hands. This was so confusing, so frustrating, she wanted to strangle the first person who walked in her lab.

"Hey, Sam."

Which just happened to be Daniel.

"Hey Daniel," she said, sitting up reluctantly.

"You okay?" Daniel asked, leaning against the doorway.

"I'm fine," she answered.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

"Absolutely positive?"

"Daniel."

He studied her for a moment. "He likes you too, you know."

Carter looked at him incredulously. "Say what?" she asked flatly.

"Nothing, nothing!" Daniel said, holding up his hands in a sign of surrender. "I'm just saying…think about it."

And he left.

She sighed and put her head back down on the table. This was going to be a long, long day.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Later that morning, Captain Carter received a visit.

"Hey Carter," Colonel O'Neill said quietly, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Hi, sir," she said, avoiding his gaze, determinedly fixing her attention on her "doohickey".

"You busy?"

Carter hesitated. What did that mean? That he wanted to talk, or that he simply wanted to know if she was busy, no strings attached? "Umm…not really, sir." It was true, but oh how she wished she would've just lied. Peace and quiet was good. She'd had enough excitement the other day to last a lifetime.

"Oh. That's…good."

"_That's good"? What does that mean?_

"I was kinda hoping we could…talk," Colonel O'Neill finished, with a grimace on his face like she was going to lunge at him like a wild woman.

"Talk, sir? What about?" she asked nonchalantly.

"About…how the other day…with that virus…"

"How I threw myself at you like a bitch in heat?" she asked bitterly, hands clenching around the handle of her tool and the device.

"Hey! You were infected, and so was I. Hell, the entire base was infected! Well, except for Spacemonkey and Fraiser. This…thing," he pointed to her and himself, "happened to a lot of people…even…"

"Even who?" she asked curiously, forgetting her spite and self-hatred for the moment.

"Even between those of the same sex." He smirked and waggled his eyebrows. Carter couldn't help it; she giggled and snorted.

"Ah! No giggling, remember?"

Carter stopped her giggling with an ending snort. "Really?"

Colonel O'Neill walked in and picked up a somewhat expensive tool and twirled it between his fingers. "No, not really," he said, watching her with satisfaction as her face paled several shades.

"Sir, please! That's a very expensive –!"

He put it down rather gracelessly. Carter sighed. "Sir…" she said, a tint of pleading in her voice.

Colonel O'Neill studied her for a moment. "You aren't alone in this, Carter," he said softly.

"In what part?" she asked with a sniffle, blinking rapidly to block the tears.

"Either part. The virus, Hansen…" He reached for her forearm, tentatively, and squeezed it, thumb rubbing her smooth skin. A shiver went down her spine. He cleared his throat and his hand dropped back to his pocket. "Which reminds me, he's away on a mission but he's got a court marshal waiting for him when he gets back."

Carter smiled weakly. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Think nothing of it," Colonel O'Neill said. "Now…" he turned and started for the door. "Cake! Hurry up and get your 'tush down there with me."

"That a way of saying 'get your ass out of that lab and don't make me make that an order'?" she asked, standing.

"Ya sure youbetcha," he said as he exited.

She paused, a bigger smile gracing her lips. Maybe it wasn't such a bad day after all.

"Carter, I'm waaaaiting!" Colonel O'Neill called in a singsong voice.

Yep – _much_ better day than she'd thought.


	9. Chapter 9

this part follows the storyline of "Ten Commandments". It'll be continued in part 10.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

"I don't know, the Stargate is out in the middle of nowhere, I doubt it plays an active role in anybody's culture."

Carter walked forward and paused by the DHD, looking around curiously. Teal'c approached her from behind and asked, "Is there a problem Captain Carter?"

"No birds," she said rather incredulously.

A few moments later Colonel O'Neill and Daniel returned to the Stargate dragging a very pained and weary-looking Lieutenant Conner. They laid him as gently as they could on the stone steps that led to the Stargate.

"Alright, Conner, what's going on? Stargate Command received your signal six hours ago and no one showed up," Colonel O'Neill said. "Why?"

"Hansen," muttered Conner hoarsely, eyes shut wearily against the sun.

"Where is he?" Carter immediately asked. A jolt of fear sickened her stomach, but she forced it back. She was on a mission; this was no place for panic. She could scream and cry at the thought of Hansen when her nightmares came that night. Control was a must here.

She should've known it was Hansen; _that_ was why Colonel O'Neill had asked her if she was alright with the mission several times. She'd forgotten that Hansen led SG-9.

"We need to know," she added carefully and forcefully.

"No!" Conner said, holding his hand up and breathing heavily. "Don't," he finished, dread in his eyes.

"Why?" Colonel O'Neill said.

Lieutenant Conner breathed for a moment, then his eyes widened and he stopped. "Franks," he said suddenly, forcing himself to his feet. "He…" Conner ran clumsily a few hundred yards away from the 'Gate to where scorched remains lay. Carter followed, her team on her heels, and she watched as Conner kneeled by his fallen friend, whose body he could not even bury.

"Conner…" Colonel O'Neill said.

Conner picked at the dust and remains, and found what he was looking for: he picked up the dog-tags of his friend, and looked at them miserably.

"Conner," O'Neill repeated less forcefully, "I need to know what happened." It was the same, soft voice Carter had experienced with the Colonel in the past, with her fears of Hansen and all. She looked to him with a faint, faint smile. The tender voice was mixed with urgency, but it was nonetheless tender. O'Neill cared about the people he worked with.

"Permission to speak freely about a superior officer, sir," Conner said finally, sitting up and looking at the Colonel bravely, a stony expression on his face.

Colonel O'Neill paused, tongue wetting his dry lips. "Yeah, go ahead," he said softly.

Lieutenant Conner shook his head. "He's lost it. He's out of control."

"Captain Hansen?" Captain Carter asked, not surprised in the least.

Conner continued shaking his head. "Maybe it was the sun," he said, his shoulders shrugging in helplessness. "The radiation…"

"Wha-what are you saying, the sun did this to Franks?" Daniel asked, worriedly and incredulously.

"No sir!" Conner said, "_Captain Hansen_ did that to Franks."

"What?" Carter said.

"For trying to get back through the 'Gate," Conner clarified, looking at her, meeting her eye stubbornly.

_Now_ she was surprised. Beating, raping, sure, of course, but literally burning a man alive? Hansen wasn't _that_ crazy, was he? She thought back to the days since she found out Hansen had been transferred to the SGC. The beating he'd tried to give her, the way he'd chased her through the hall, the way he'd nearly raped her…yeah, he _was_ that crazy.

"I don't buy that," Colonel O'Neill said. Carter looked at him, shocked. She did!

Conner looked to the Colonel, too. "Sir," he said, "we were trying to warn Command, about what's _really_ going on." O'Neill was unfazed. "The people here, they think he's their god!"

"Because you came through the Stargate," Teal'c said.

"No, no, you don't get it," he said, sighing, shaking his head, his voice with a tint of whine. He groaned. "Hansen believes it, too."

_Sounds like him,_ Captain Carter thought. Captain Jonas Hansen, demigod and bastard.

O'Neill chewed the inside of his lip and looked to her. "Carter?" he asked. Reluctantly she walked with him a few feet away from the group. He removed his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes with one hand. She moved her gaze to the ground, studying the multi-colored brownness of the dirt. She looked up when he started to speak.

"I want you to take Conner through the Stargate. Report to General Hammond what's happened here."

She knew what was going on. He was deliberately removing her from the mission. The scared Samantha in her thanked him immeasurably, but the liberated woman in her was pissed. Remove her from the mission? He really did think she was weak!

Captain Carter had two choices, and she decided she had to stay. She would run into worse than this in the future, and she had to be ready for it. If she followed his order and left, she would make herself resign and leave the SGC. She wouldn't belong there if she chickened out.

And this was possibly her last chance to prove to herself once and for all that she could handle not only Hansen, but the pressure and intensity of fear, and the threat of panic under pressure.

"No sir," she said quietly, averting her gaze from his eyes.

Colonel O'Neill raised his eyebrows. "No sir?" he repeated, as though tasting something foul.

"If you're going after Captain Hansen, I should go with you. I can get to him." She hoped. Well, not really "get to him" but she knew Hansen better than anyone else here and she knew his dastardly ways. She knew when she had to be worried and when he was amused enough to not harm her or anyone else. Of course, most of her knowledge rested around sex and rape when it came to him, but she had a good eye for his mood swings now.

"Look, _Captain_," he stressed. She looked down. "Either we're bringing him back for court marshal or _not_. I think we _both_ know what the 'not' means."

She did know what the "not" meant. And a part of her really didn't mind. It would mean that he didn't get his ass whooped at home for his crimes, but he'd also be dead, and he wouldn't be able to hurt her or anyone else ever again; that would definitely serve to satisfy her.

"I _know_ him, Colonel," she said, willing him to understand.

"Now that would be the problem, wouldn't it?"

Carter didn't want to reveal her weakness to the whole team and Conner, but she needed to say something. "I gave _back_ the ring because I know how he thinks, how he operates!" To hurt and kill people, was how.

"How he likes to play _god_?" Colonel O'Neill finished pointedly.

She didn't need him to tell her; she knew it all too well. "I don't know how that could happen any more than you do –" she meant literally; Hansen always thought he was superior to everyone else, but it would take a whack-job to make him truly think he was divine, just like it would everyone else, "–then I am going with you."

"Wh—wh-whoa, you can't _do_ that," Conner said, coming up to them. "There's hundreds, probably _thousands_ of them, and he's their _god_. They'll die for him, they'll kill for him in a heartbeat!"

Captain Carter looked down.

"That is not your problem," Colonel O'Neill said. "Now I need someone to report back to the General and that is _you_," he said to Conner. Carter's hope soared; maybe he changed his mind after all!

"No sir," Conner said.

"_No sir?_" Colonel O'Neill repeated incredulously. She could just hear him swearing, _"Oh f'cryin' out loud, is this a society of broken records or something!"_ He finally said, looking down at his vest, "Does it say 'Colonel' _anywhere_ on my uniform?"

"I know the planet, the situation. I think it's suicide, but if you're going, I'm going too, sir."

"But you are not physically able," Teal'c said stoically from behind Conner.

"Franks was my friend," Conner said over his shoulder.

"This isn't about revenge," Carter said. _Liar, liar,_ her conscience taunted.

"Maybe not for you," Conner said, walking past her. Carter stared at the ground. They were in the same boat, Conner and she. Conner lost his friend, she lost her confidence, the ability to believe in herself and what she could do. It was hard to have confidence when the mention or the presence of any one man sent you squirming or screaming into a panicky frenzy, unable to fight for yourself.

"We need to move now," Conner said, looking back at SG-1.

Colonel O'Neill sighed and looked from Conner to Captain Carter to Teal'c. "Well, we're off to see the wizard."

"I'll be back by sundown," Conner muttered.

Daniel rose to his feet. "We're mostly under cover," he said, indicating the trees.

"The probe indicated that shade, even heavy cloud cover won't protect us. It could be pouring rain and we'd still burn," Carter said.

"She's right," Conner admitted reluctantly.

"Then why on earth are we traveling during the day?" O'Neill asked, walking up to face Conner.

Carter understood why. _The quicker we go the sooner he gets his hands on Hansen,_ she thought. _Well, too bad, Lieutenant! I'm not planning on being cooked alive by this planet's sun, and when we _do_ get to Hansen, he's mine first! I've had reason longer than you have. Granted, I'm not dead like Franks, but somehow I'd almost prefer it to the torture he put me through. He was torturing me even after I left him!_ She had the nightmares and the sleepless nights to prove it.

"We're not on earth. These people live in caves; I think they used to be mines," replied Conner. "They only come out at night. They're probably still after me, sir."

Colonel O'Neill sighed and put his sunglasses back on. "To Oz," he said, and Carter followed suit. It was going to be a long day…

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

That night, Carter and Daniel sat by the fire. Carter looked closely at a package of MREs, holding it against the light, squinting to read the label.

"It tastes like chicken," Daniel said, chewing and putting his spoon down.

"What's wrong with it?" she asked.

"It's macaroni and cheese."

"Teal'c?" Colonel O'Neill asked from the darkness.

"The perimeter is established," said Teal'c. He tugged at a switch and lights came on, along with a warning alarm.

"Perfect," said Colonel O'Neill. Teal'c turned it off. "If any little rocks sneak up on us," he said, returning to the campfire, "we'll have plenty of warning."

When Conner sat beside her, Carter asked wryly, "So, any indigenous lions, tigers, or bears I should lie awake worrying about?"

Conner sighed. "Not much plant or animal life lives long against the sun."

Daniel put down his bowl and asked, "Now, how could something like this actually happen? I mean, the SG teams are made of supposedly well-trained professionals."

_I'll tell you how,_ Carter thought venomously. _Hansen's a flippin' bastard who's in love with control. He saw his chance at complete domination and jumped at the chance. Now he's probably thriving in it._

"When we first met the cave-dwellers, they immediately bowed down to us," Conner said. "Thought we were gods."

"Well…that's pretty common…phenomenon," Daniel said slowly. "It happens."

"Except to Hansen it has not," Conner said. "He thought it'd be safer if we allowed them to believe he was their god for a while. Said it was the system they needed for them to retake their world."

"And…you were okay with that?" Daniel said accusingly.

"Franks was our anthropologist," Conner sighed. "He agreed with Hansen, that it might be safer." Carter frowned as he continued. "The longer we stayed here the stronger they believed. "On our…fourth or fifth week here, a young child wandered out of the caves. Must've gotten lost. Hansen went out after him. He was gone for two full days before he came back, carrying the child barely alive in his arms."

_Good grief,_ Carter thought, _he sure knows how to put on an act._ "Cave dwellers must've loved him for that," she said bitterly.

"Yeah, they did," Conner agreed. "He wasn't the same after that." His eyes were downcast.

"You're saying that's what sent him over the edge? The sun?" she asked. She wished suns could talk; she would've sent their sun a thank-you card if it could talk, read, write, or was intelligent in any way. Now there was no way Hansen would go back with them. She just wished Colonel O'Neill would let her pull the trigger.

"It…it wasn't any one thing," Conner disagreed. "If it was, me 'n Franks could've seen in coming. There was somethin' about him before…"

Teal'c tilted his head. "Before what?"

"There were…a few cave-dwellers who got the idea that Hansen was just a man, just like they were – thanks to Franks and I. He had them tied down to stakes and left them in direct sunlight. They were left there for seven days, then allowed back in the caves."

"There were several biblical events that took place over seven days," Daniel murmured his input.

"By then they were blind," Conner said with a small shake of his head. "Giant, bleeding burns all over them. Just took them a little longer to die… Personally, I'd rather eat a bullet."

They all stared, eyes shifting from person to person, silence reigning on them all. Finally, Colonel O'Neill said, "I'll take first watch…"

Later, Captain Carter fell into a troubled sleep. Images…flashing through her mind…sounds, sneers…it terrified her and she expected, knew that soon she should wake up screaming and sweating, but it never came. It was like she was trapped in an endless abyss of panic and torture and there was no ladder to safety!

She woke suddenly, immediately covering her mouth to muffle her scream. A few feet away, Daniel lay snoring. She looked to Teal'c, who had opened his eyes.

"Are you injured, Captain Carter?" he asked from his position of…what was it? Oh, yes, kel'no'reem.

It took her a moment but she was finally able to reply, "Yes…" in a small voice. She looked at her watch. 0221 glowed back at her in green.

Footsteps grew closer and she heard Colonel O'Neill's voice say to Teal'c, "Take watch for a minute, 'kay?" and felt him kneel beside her.

His hand rubbed her back cajolingly, and he murmured, "He's not here. I would've shot him if he were. It's okay. It's okay…" His hand stroked her covered flesh clumsily as her body began to shake uncontrollably. Carter heard him mutter under his breath, "Knew I should've sent you back…" and she fought back a dry sob.

"N-no, sir," she said defiantly, even though she was close to tears.

Colonel O'Neill paused, then continued to stroke her back wordlessly, soon lifting her into a hug. He held her until her tremors subsided, then let her go. "You okay?" he asked.

She nodded, and he left to go back to his watch.

Carter lay there, closing her eyes but never letting her body get what it wanted: sleep. She might not be consciously aware of the nightmares if she were to sleep, and might compromise the mission by waking up screaming.

An hour later, she was alerted by the alarm as primitive warriors invaded them. She picked up her gun and, along with the rest, began scaring them off. It was Teal'c's staff weapon that did the job, though, and he said, "It appears they are gone."

"Yeah," Colonel O'Neill muttered. "Conner?"

Daniel frowned. "Conner?" he echoed. He ran to check the other side of the camp.

O'Neill sank to his feet, resting against a tree, giving a dead primitive only a moment's glance.

Conner was gone.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

"They probably took Conner to…send us a message that everything's in control," Daniel said.

"Sounds familiar," Carter said.

"Which part?"

"He likes control," she told him.

"…What did you see in him?" Daniel asked in a rather pointed way. A shot of irritation flashed through her but she ignored it.

"I don't know. I guess I've always had a soft spot for the…lunatic fringe," she said. "He…he was charming," she added, shamefully. She wondered how Daniel knew…maybe Colonel O'Neill had told him so he could ask for advice on how to help her. Maybe her whole team knew and she just didn't know it.

"That's good, charming is good," Daniel said encouragingly.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I should be more surprised by this than I am, but I'm not. You know, he had this in him, Daniel. Too many years of black ops." She winced, remembering that the man behind her, who had been so kind and helpful, too had been in black ops for quite a while.

"That seems typical of U.S. officers," Daniel murmured. "The…crazier they are, the most dangerous the situations they seem to be put into." He looked back to Colonel O'Neill, who had been silent the whole time, offering no comment or input in his defense.

Carter sighed again, and spat off some load of lies about Hansen taking her rejection well. That was laughable; he hadn't even been told face-to-face! "Then we met up at Stargate Command…" Well, one could say that, she supposed. Wasn't really lying…just…telling the truth in a brighter, less-dark light.

Teal'c held up his hand to stop them suddenly, and motioned for silence.

"What d'you got, Teal'c?" asked O'Neill.

"This way," Teal'c pointed.

Over the edge of the cliff, they saw workers laboring in the rain and mud, pulling wagons and picking at stone with sharp tools. In the background there seemed to be an unfinished temple. In the center of their wet, grimy field, were several poles sticking out of the ground, a man tied to almost every one. Conner was one of them.

Colonel O'Neill sighed and tossed back the binoculars to Teal'c. "I'll be back in thirty minutes," he muttered.

"If you are planning to rescue Conner," Teal'c protested.

"I'm not," O'Neill assured. "Captain, when the time comes, I'll need your help to get through the front door."

Carter nodded. "I'm prepared for that, sir." She hoped.

He got up and jogged off.

"There will be none left to worship if this continues," Teal'c said.

"Like Abraham," Daniel murmured. Carter and Teal'c turned their heads to look at him.

"Who is Abraham?" Teal'c queried.

"Ah, a biblical figure, believed to be the father of man. God tested his faith by commanding him to give a great sacrifice, his son, Isaac."

Teal'c frowned worriedly. "Did he sacrifice his son?" he asked.

Daniel looked at him briefly before answering, "He gave it a good shot before an angel stopped him…at the last minute…" he looked away.

Suddenly, a man below them in the fields collapsed, and an authority figure – a man from SG-9 – began beating him for his "laziness".

Carter handed the binoculars to Teal'c. "Hey, look over there." Teal'c looked, and she got up.

"Whoa, whoa, where're you going?" Daniel asked.

"I can't just sit here and watch him beat that man to death," she insisted.

"You will be captured," Teal'c told her.

"A-huh," she agreed.

"And you think that's a plan?" Daniel said.

"Daniel, I can get to Hansen. That's what the Colonel was talking about."

"Well, can you at least wait 'till he gets back?"

"That man could be dead by then!" she said, and ran to help the man.

_Idiot,_ her conscience accused of her.

_I'm doing the right thing,_ she said to herself silently. _I can't let that man die under Hansen's orders. I'm used to getting hurt because of him._

When she arrived at the bottom, at the field, she approached the man of SG-9 and grabbed him by the shoulder, landing him a punch that knocked him onto the rocks.

"Well, that was refreshing," she said aloud, imagining it'd been Hansen she just punched.

Two natives surrounded her and the man from SG-9 joined them. She held up her arms in surrender and let them march her to wherever Hansen was. She took a deep breath. _Lord,_ she thought, and paused in her mind. _The _real_ Lord, have mercy._

She sure wouldn't get any from Hansen.


	10. Chapter 10

"Alright, alright!" Carter said as the idiot from SG-9 stabbed her in the back with his gun again. _I'll go into the frickin' cave,_ she thought, fear and irritation twisting together in her stomach.

They approached a throne that was surrounded by beautiful women, where Hansen sat donned in a robe of exquisite cloth. He removed his hood as she stood before him, and said smugly, "Well, it's about time."

Hmm….small cave, outmanned, outgunned…as much as she wanted to, she was going to have to play "nice". "Hello Jonas," she said cautiously. Fear rippled through her, pinning her feet to the ground. Her entire body felt stiff and foreign. But she ignored it; this was something she _had_ to do. No Colonel O'Neill, no SG-1, nobody. It was for her to do and her alone.

Hansen sighed and nodded with his smug smile. "And you never thought I'd amount to anything. It's quite a leap, isn't it? From captain to –"

"What's happened to you, Jonas?"

He paused and stared at her. "Please, sit down." Great, so she wouldn't even be able to run when he lunged at her? She sat, against her better judgment. "These caves," Hansen said, "were once mines. They penetrate the hillside for miles. But these people have been multiplying like – _rabbits_. They don't have the technology to dig themselves more caves; they don't have the courage to leave the caves, it's like a whole third world country _in_ a bottle."

"And you think you're saving them?" she asked in more of an accusing tone than she'd meant.

"Oh!" Hansen threw up his arms and she winced. "I know I am!" he said in a voice that said nothing else could possibly be true.

Captain Carter swallowed past a large lump in her throat. God, what was she doing? She must be crazy! This man is dangerous! What the hell was she doing making small-talk with him? (Even if it was a debate on his sanity…)

When she didn't reply, he leaned forward so they were a mere few feet apart. "These people," he whispered, "they're human beings – just like us!"

He was trying to guilt-trip her now? What was she, the naughty little girl who wanted to go to a movie instead of going to watch her brother's baseball game? Grief! _And if they're "human, just like us" then why are you treating them like common animals!_ she wanted to demand, to snap.

"How can we turn our backs against them?" he continued. "_Kidnapped_ from earth, _forced_ into slavery for _centuries._"

"We can't change that!" she argued, starting to feel stronger. He hadn't raped her yet, after all…

"Well how does posing as their god and slowly working these people to death help them?" she demanded angrily. Her conscience had a fit at that; _You're going to get yourself killed,_ it said.

"_I hate that word! STOP USING IT! I am NOT posing!_" he ordered, glaring at her dangerously.

Captain Carter started to tremble and was very glad she was sitting down.

In a softer, even falser tone, Hansen said, "It is a matter of definition. My _people_ need me. They _believe_ in me, and because they believe, they will work."

"To death," she finished edgily.

Hansen shook his head. "We are building a civilization, Sam. There are going to be sacrifices."

She snorted and looked away, hoping to regain her strength.

"It's better than living in caves, rotting in squander like _you've_ never seen," he said when she looked back, pointing at her. She flinched very slightly, but stared determinedly back at him. Oh, so she's never seen horrid things? That was laughable! Even without her hours during the Gulf War, she'd had _him_ as her fiancé for ages, didn't she?

"I am creating…a great people," he finished.

"In your image," she snipped.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "It's going to be wondrous!"

She opened her mouth and then closed it, at loss for what to say next.

"You'll see," he assured her, his small, smug smile back in place. "_You'll_ see."

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

"I really wish I understood these drawings," Hansen sighed as he was kneeling beside caveman-like pictographs.

"Why don't you ask your people?" Carter asked irritably.

He stood and shrugged, holding his arms out as if to say "who'd have thought it?" and said, "All knowing." He walked down to where a bowl of water was kept.

"You knew I would come, didn't you?" she said. Bastard.

"How could you not?" Hansen said dreamily. "Healer of the emotionally wounded. I was your one failure."

Ha! _Her_ failure? And where did he get all that crap, "Healer of the emotionally wounded" – what was he, writing a book and thought it'd be great to try it out in real life?

"The bird with the broken wing you couldn't heal…" Hansen took a sip of water from the ladle.

"Seem to be flying well enough on your own," she shot back.

Hansen eyed her irritably. "I had hoped that you would understand." He tossed the water onto the floor and put the ladle back. While he was turned, she reached into her discarded vest and brought out her gun. With a quick click, it was pointed at him and ready to shoot.

He paused as he turned.

"I do understand," she said shakily. "You're sick and you need help."

"That's your idea of help?" he asked, waving at the gun.

"Yes," she replied. She would _not_ be weak this time. "You're coming back with me."

"Well, then you'll have to use it, Sam," he said, sighing as though defeated. He took a step toward her. "Go on!" he encouraged softly. "Still loaded, pull the trigger." He took many more steps toward her.

_Shit!_ she thought, panicking. _He's doing it AGAIN!_

"DO IT!" he bellowed, "For so help me, that is the _only_ way you're going to stop me!"

Carter flinched visibly this time and her arms wavered, but a second later the gun was pointed solidly at him again.

"What's a few deaths in comparison to the lives of _my people!_" he demanded, patting his chest with both hands to stress the words.

"Killing their savior might…irritate them a little bit, but at least I'll be gone."

_Yes, at least! So why haven't you shot the bastard yet?_ she snapped at herself inwardly. Her vehemence wavered again, but she pointed ever so determinedly. "Don't make me do this," she spat out the plea, looking and feeling miserable and scared.

He held out his arm, pointing lazily at the gun as he moved forward. "Go on," he whispered, "pull the trigger." That voice was familiar to Carter; it was the same, lulling voice he used when he wanted to get her to do something. In the beginning, anyway, when choice was an option to her. It seemed to put one under a spell they couldn't break. "One more fraction of an inch…"

Failure pricked in her fingers as Hansen gently disarmed her, the gun moving swiftly into his hand from hers, like a parent taking a sharp knife from a small toddler before they hurt themselves. Tears threatened and she wanted to die on the spot, though with Hansen and his handy gun there, that might happen quite soon…

"You had the gun," he whispered. "You appeared to have all the power. But I was in control. _That_ is the strength of a god."

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Hansen led her from the cave. He showed her the field and the workers – "his people".

"It's going to be magnificent!" he said happily.

"What's the point, Jonas? By the time it's built there'll be no one left to worship you."

"Oh…please! Mere survival for these people will require unquestioning faith, pue devotion. They must believe in _me_ if I am to lead them into the desert to the Promised Land. I am merely separating the weak from the chaff. Besides…" he said with amusement, "I'm supposed to be crazy, aren't I?"

"I never said you were crazy," Carter defended, thinking, _even though it's true…_

"But you think it, don't you?" Damn, the man could read minds! Ugh! "But that's okay," he said soothingly. "I still have faith in you, even if you don't believe in me – yet. You'll come around," he finished confidently.

"I don't think so, Jonas," she said quietly, looking at the workers below simply to avoid his eyes. His evil, awful eyes.

"Come here," he said, grabbing her arm.

_No! No! Help, HELP!_ she screamed inside. Well, she had been wondering when he was going to rape her…

When he didn't, her whole body shuddered with relief. Hansen led her back into the cave and unveiled a strange device.

"What is it?" she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. She circled it and ended up at his side. _Crap!_ she thought. _Am I an idiot or what?_

"It looks like something the Gou'ald left behind. What I've gathered from the local folklore is that the ancient…gods," he swore out the word like it was the work of the devil, just like she did when she said his name, "used this device to make the sky…orange, to protect the people from the sun-sickness."

"Some sort of shield," she muttered, nodding.

"Yes," he grumbled.

She looked at him. "You don't know how to work it," she said flatly. Little celebration horns tooted and confetti sprinkled everywhere in her mind.

Carter snorted. "You never cared about my coming here because you wanted me, Jonas, you just wanted me to turn this thing on for you," she said accusingly. Well, it wasn't a big deal. She was used to it by now, and besides, even if it weren't that way, she wouldn't want him anyway, the bastard.

"Oh, no!" he said coaxingly, walking around the device to face her. "I sincerely hope that you will, one day, agree to be my goddess." He put his hands on her arms gently and she fought back a shudder. He was close – way too close. Close enough to…no, he was much too close. God, she had to get out!

_Good lord,_ she thought, _he's reusing the same pathetic line he used on me before, only with "goddess" in the place of "wife". Thank god I'm not going to fall for that again._

A moment passed and he stepped back, his hands falling from her arms. "Turn it on," he growled.

"And if I don't?"

He paused and glared at her. "Then we will watch every last cave-dweller die in the sun before I _kill us both_."

Hansen shook his head at her slightly as he walked away from her and the device. "He hath not failed _one word_ of his good promises!" he said loudly, waving a finger in the air. He looked over his shoulder a moment before reaching into his robe, pulling out a black Bible and opening it. "I've been carrying this for…years," he said, lifting it so she could see, his back still turned on her. "All along I've been looking for God," he said. "And here I am."

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

"The main control seems to follow the same circuitry as the 'Gate does," Carter said, peering at her tool and the device.

"Just turn it on," Hansen said lazily and impatiently as he read his Bible.

Captain Carter looked at him incredulously. "What if I _can't_?" she demanded.

Just then, she heard people walking into the cave and stood. "Colonel O'Neill!" she said as her CO walked to her with the same SG-9 idiot that'd captured her behind him.

"Captain," he said shortly. "I see everything's turning out _exactly_ as we planned." He looked pissed. Well, he _was_ on an alien planet, captive of he own people, and dressed in a native's smelly, sweaty robes that hadn't been washed in…ages…

Hansen sighed and walked over, removing Velcro straps from O'Neill's wrists. "Shoot him," he said as he walked back to his throne.

"No!" Carter exclaimed, horrified when the SG-9 idiot raised his gun and clicked the safety off.

"Alright, alright," she mumbled in defeat, kneeling back down beside the device.

"Wait, you're gonna turn that thing on in here?" Colonel O'Neill said as though they were both mad.

_What choice do I have?_ she wanted to yell. She never had a choice; well, never any good ones anyway. And getting Colonel O'Neill shot just wasn't acceptable.

"Do it _now_," Hansen said lowly. "And I'll spare him." Hansen glared pointedly at Colonel O'Neill.

Carter looked to her CO, who gave a small, "um, yeah, that sounds good" nod and waved his bound hands at her to say, "hurry it up".

With one quick snap of a switch and futz with a wire, an orange beam shot up from the device. She'd concealed the fact that she could turn it on for as long as she could, and her timing had been good enough to help Colonel O'Neill…for a little while, anyway.

Hansen got up and walked to the device, smiling up at it drunkenly as though it was his savior. "It's beautiful!" he breathed.

Colonel O'Neill stared at him as though he was insane, mad… And Carter didn't blame him.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

"My children," Hansen began powerfully when all the people had gathered at the Stargate. "Today is a great day! The sun has remained in the sky, a killer for you! I have the power to save, and cast down! But fear not. Stand still, and see the salvation of the lord. Today, we'll bury the Doorway that threatens to bring forth demons to undo us."

Carter watched him. He _was_ insane. Only he could stand there, a "god" while Colonel O'Neill and Lieutenant Conner were about to be sacrificed. And only he could have the "Doorway", the Stargate, lain on its side so it was a ring in the ground, just to make it look like the doorway to Hell.

"But first!" he said, "I will send those EVIL undoers that have already invaded our world BACK to the hell from whence they came." Hansen dialed the DHD, pausing before he pressed the orange "activate" button in the center. "Fear not," he said grandly, "for I, the Lord your God, control the Gateway to the Underworld!" He pressed the orange button, and the Stargate activated with a loud whoosh and a wave that sent the people cowering and screaming.

"You said you wouldn't kill them," Carter said lowly.

"I'm not," he hissed under his breath, "I'm sending them back to earth."

"Without sending the signal to open the iris they'll die!" she said.

"Please, Sam, I'm having a moment here!"

Hansen turned back to his people. "I am the Lord your God!" he cried out to them. "There is nothing I cannot do! There is no one greater than I! No one is more powerful than I!" He lowered his arms and mumbled to the member of his team, "Toss them in."

The SG-9 idiot prodded them in the backs and they walked forward and stopped at the edge. Just before he was about to shove them in, a young man dressed in Colonel O'Neill's clothing ran up.

"Wait!" he hollered. "Do not!" He shot the SG-9 idiot with Teal'c's staff weapon.

Hansen drew his gun and Carter saw her chance; she twisted around and kicked the gun out of Hansen's hand. He turned and slapped her in the face hard enough to throw her back onto the stone steps, and Colonel O'Neill growled lowly, his glare enough to kill a man.

The young native fired another shot that missed Hansen, but scared him nonetheless.

"Listen to me!" Daniel said as Carter tried to get up, wincing as she rose off the steps. "No matter what Jonas has said to you or shown you, he is not a god!"

"Don't listen to him!" Hansen roared. "They are demons!" he pointed at Colonel O'Neill and Conner. "Minions of the devil! I am your savior!"

"We're not demons, f'cryin out loud!" Colonel O'Neill barked.

"This!" Daniel yelled, bending to pick up Hansen's gun from the ground. "This is not a magical power, it is called a gun and it is a machine!" He unloaded the gun with a simple click.

"Do as I say, or you will ALL die!" Hansen threatened.

"Do as he says and you will die!" yelled Colonel O'Neill.

"Do not betray me!" Carter was immeasurably pleased to hear fear in his voice. "Look, I have done for you! I will bring you out of the caves, into the light! Today," he stepped back, "I fulfill that promise!" He turned to the device and switched it on. "Behold, the magical power that belongs to your GOD! I give you the sun – I give you the WORLD!"

They stood and waited as the beam shot out of the device

Nothing happened. The natives peered into the sky, bewildered as it did not turn orange.

Hansen grabbed her. "What's wrong?" he growled.

"I don't know!" she said, wincing and trembling.

"Fix it!" he yanked her up and tossed her at it.

"It's a machine," said Daniel. "I can use it and so can you, just like Jamalah can fire that staff weapon." The young native man nodded. "I'll show you how."

Hansen turned to him, looking at him incredulously.

"There are two devices, and both must be turned on for the shield to work," Daniel continued. "Watch." He nodded to Jamalah, who fired his weapon once more as a signal.

A moment later, another beam shot out from the distance, and the two beams bent, connecting, a shield falling all around, tinting everything orange.

Hansen grabbed Carter again and sprinted for the Stargate. "I'm taking you with me," he growled.

But before he could leap to their deaths, Colonel O'Neill tackled him to the ground. Carter fell into an undignified heap on the other side of the pathway, but she didn't mind the undignified part so much, seeing as she was alive.

Meanwhile, the angry crowd rioted, picking up Hansen with their combined forces. They tossed him into the orange-ish Stargate, cheering when he was gone, yelling, "Ahhhhhh!"

Carter stared at the scene with sadness. She should be rejoicing more than any of these people, but now that he was gone forever, she had mixed feelings. Granted, she would never forgive him for what he did to her, nor would she change what happened, but for some reason her spite and hatred was slowly seeping away, leaving her with only pain, sadness, and fear. The pain would scab, the fear would fade, and eventually the sadness would ease with time, but none of it would go away quickly. The wounds were too deep to heal like a paper-cut or the common cold.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

"Uh, I think we're ready," Carter said, walking up to Colonel O'Neill, who stood in front of the Stargate. The 'Gate had been stood up to its former glory just a few hours earlier, and now it was time to go home.

"Think we should tell them to bury the 'Gate after we're gone?" he asked, fiddling with Hansen's Bible in his hands.

"Teal'c seems to think the Gou'ald won't be back."

"I think we should come back and check on these guys," Daniel suggested as he walsked over to them.

"I think we've done enough, don't you?" Captain Carter asked quietly.

Daniel hesitated, but tilted his head back and forth in a submissive way as though to say, "uh…yeah…good point", and walked back to the small group of natives he'd been talking to.

Carter felt somewhat ashamed and stared at the ground. She just couldn't shake the feeling that she'd done something wrong, that she was to blame for…for something. It was stupid and she knew it…but it was there…

"Something else on your mind?" asked O'Neill, watching her with his soft eyes.

"I had the chance to end this, Colonel," she said. "He literally asked me to do it."

"Killing a man is no badge of honor, Captain," he said.

"I know," she murmured in agreement.

"Look, I'm no expert on this thing…" He waved the Bible slightly. "But I generally remember one Commandment…I think it's the first…"

"I am the Lord your God and you shall take no other gods before me?" she asked with a nod of her head.

He paused. "Okay, it's not the first one. I'm talkin' about the no-killing one. Every time you break it, you're one step closer to Hansen."

She gave a weak smile at that, but it soon died from her face. "Thanks," she whispered. Colonel O'Neill gave a small series of nods and handed her Hansen's Bible. She took it tentatively, and he went to talk to the natives.

"You gonna be okay?" he asked to Jamalah, who nodded.

"Yes," he replied, and shook the Colonel's hand. "The world outside the caves is very big, yes?" he asked when he moved on to shake Daniel's hand.

"Yeah, it's bigger than you can imagine," Daniel said, and when he had shaken Jamalah's hand, he turned and walked to the Stargate, the rest of SG-1 following. He then dialed the 'Gate, and when the wave of energy flashed out, Captain Carter inputted the code to open the iris.

Colonel O'Neill leaned in to ask, "You got it?"

She whispered back, "Yeah."

The two of them went up the steps to the Stargate, followed by Conner, Teal'c, and Daniel.

_Life's going to be even more interesting from here on out,_ she thought just as she went through. Very interesting, indeed.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

This isn't the end of the series; we still have a few more chapters to go :)


	11. Chapter 11

To put everyone out of their misery, Hansen is gone. Dead, deceased, pushin' up daisies:)

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsegcsgcgscgscgc

"Welcome back, SG-1," said General Hammond. "What happened?"

The returning group shared looks. "Umm…let's just say some divine intervention was needed," Colonel O'Neill said slowly.

General Hammond frowned. "What does that mean?" he asked, studying their faces. When they looked at one another again, he shook his head. "Never mind," he sighed. "Briefing at 0800 tomorrow morning."

"Yes sir," agreed Colonel O'Neill, who led the way out of the gateroom.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

After they checked out in the infirmary, the team went to hit the showers. Carter, as usual, waited until the men of her team were done. She figured it was fair, that there were more male members, so the quicker they all went, the sooner she could. Besides, she loved long, hot showers.

But the waiting left her time to brood. Captain Carter felt like such a monster by the time Colonel O'Neill came out from the showers that she wanted to throw up.

"Hey, Carter, what's wrong?" he asked, frowning. She was leaning against the lockers, not facing him. But it wasn't her locker; it was Hansen's.

Colonel O'Neill peered over her shoulder and realized immediately what was wrong. "Carter – _Sam_, talk to me."

Carter's lips trembled as she spoke: "I keep looking at his name. I'm trying…I'm trying to convince myself I _shouldn't be feeling this way._ I shouldn't! I _shouldn't_!" She wheeled around, tears penetrating the corners of her eyes. "That bastard deserved what he got and more! So why do I feel so…_bad_?"

O'Neill pulled her into a hug. "It's because you _care_," he said simply. "I'm no Daniel so I'm not good at explaining this crap, but people – sickos – like Hansen don't care. They don't feel love. They're not compassionate. You…you can feel all that, Carter. It's people like you that make this country, this world even, worth fighting for: the ones that enjoy life and love living. Not because they're the president of the psycho club."

Captain Carter snorted. "Love living, enjoy life? Look at me! I've completely screwed up my life –"

Colonel O'Neill pulled back sharply and pulled her head by the cheek to face him. He had a glare on his face as he said, "Listen to me, Carter. You made a mistake. One mistake, wanting to make a good thing work. It didn't go as planned. You packed up and moved on."

"Yeah, and we ended up at the same base," she muttered. "Someone has to be playing a cruel joke on me. First I love him, then I fear him, then I hate him, and now I'm _guilty_? No matter what I do or feel I'm wrong!"

"What are you guilty about?" he asked, gently leading her to sit on the bench. He sat beside her, giving her enough space to breathe, but staying close enough for her to feel safe, secure.

She was silent for a moment. "I was going to kill him," she said quietly.

"On the planet? Yeah, you told me."

"No. When I got that Broca virus. I…I was going to kill him. After I tortured and raped him. I was going to pay back everything he'd done to me." Carter couldn't look him in the eyes; she looked down and squeezed her eyes shut against the tears. "I was hunting him down when I found you in the locker room. God, Colonel, I was going to destroy him!"

She sobbed now, unable to hold it back any longer. Her body was racked with silent sobs as her tears fell. The Colonel's arms wrapped her in a cocoon of comfort, a comfort she felt she didn't deserve.

After a long while, when her tears subsided, he spoke softly, "I was going to kill myself."

Carter's head shot up. "Sir!" she said incredulously, her own predicament momentarily forgotten.

"Someone…someone close to me died, by my gun. They found it and accidentally shot themselves with it. I…I drove him to the hospital as quickly as I could, and the doctors did everything they could for him, but he just couldn't make it. He didn't deserve to die, not like that, not because of me," O'Neill finished.

"Who?" she asked. "Sir…"

"A…a person I loved," he said. It was obvious he wouldn't specify further. Carter leaned into his touch, breathing in his cleanness and his silent, protective strength. Maybe some of that strength would melt into her. She would need it.


	12. Chapter 12

Captain Carter took a deep breath as she ascended the steps to the Hansen home. A week had passed since Hansen's death and SG-1 were on downtime, giving her a chance to fly to Washington. With her was Colonel O'Neill, who reached up to rub her shoulder when she paused shakily.

"Hey, you don't have to do this," he murmured softly.

It was true; she had volunteered to tell Hansen's parents in person. General Hammond had been quite willing to send an airman or to simply call or write a letter, but that didn't seem good enough to Carter. Sure, she hated the man for all he was worth, which wasn't a lot, but he was worth something to his family. Mr. and Mrs. Hansen deserved to be told in person, to show that someone else actually gave a rat's tail about their son's death.

Washington was wet and grey, having rained the night before. Captain Carter was beginning to wonder why she was standing on the west coast of the country on her ex-fiancé's parent's doorstep. But she sucked in another breath, along with it, about every once of courage she could muster, and walked briskly to the door and rang the bell.

Not five seconds went by when a cheery voice called faintly, "Coming!"

Two locks clicked back and a door swung open. An elderly woman stood before them with a smile. "Hello, what may I do for you?"

"Mrs. Hansen?" Captain Carter asked tentatively, shifting and wishing this sort of thing didn't require dress blues.

The woman nodded.

"I…ahem…" It would be a lie to say she wasn't tongue-tied.

Mrs. Hansen frowned and squinted at her, taking a hesitant step forward. "Sa…Samantha?" she said questioningly in shock.

Carter gulped. "Ah…yes, ma'am."

"Why, we haven't seen you in years! What's all this about? And who's _he_?" Mrs. Hansen narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Colonel O'Neill.

Carter knew what must be running through this woman's mind: _My boy's ex-fiancée is with THIS man? _or _Why isn't Jonas here with her?_

"Ma'am, I'm Colonel O'Neill. Captain Carter's commanding officer. Pleased to meet you," the Colonel said with a small smile and a nod of the head.

"Oh!" The woman's expression brightened considerably. "Well, then, come in, come in! Samantha, you must tell me everything! Four years have gone by and my husband and I haven't heard a word about the engagement." The fragile form led them to her living room. "Bram? Oh, Bram, come down!"

Captain Carter paled. _He never told her?_

A man that looked old enough to be Carter's grandfather limped down the stairs with the help of an aid. "Gimme a minute," he said gruffly.

Mrs. Hansen frowned nervously. "I really wish you'd let us move our bedroom downstairs, Bram."

Her husband scowled. "I'm not an invalid, Mary. Now, who are these fine officers?" He straightened at the foot of the stairs, shakily fixing his oversized sweater.

"Bram, this is Samantha and her commander, Colonel O'Neill," Mrs. Hansen introduced.

"Samantha? Well it's about time! We assumed there wasn't going to _be_ a wedding. Where's Jonas?"

Carter swallowed hard. She felt her CO's worried eyes on her, but she refused to meet them. "I'm…afraid that's what we're here about."


	13. Chapter 13

"Please put on your seat belts as we will be taking off shortly. Thank you," said a sweet lady's voice over the plane's intercom. The flight attendants began enforcing the request, kindly pushing the passengers to do as they were told.

Carter sat miserably in her seat, staring out the closed little window. No amount of cheery voices could help her…

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Mr. and Mrs. Hansen blinked. "What do you mean?" Mrs. Hansen asked, her hands trembling.

Captain Carter felt tears prick her eyes as fought to regain control, her hat shaking under her arm, her knees threatening to abandon her strong pose. "Sir…Ma'am…I'm sorry to inform you that Captain Hansen died in the line of duty."

_More like became a deranged man and tried to kill hundreds of people who believed him to be a god, became a person we had to neutralize for his sake and the sake of others,_ she thought, her mouth tasting bitter with the false words. But she wasn't about to tell Hansen's parents that.

"Wh-wh-what?" Mrs. Hansen asked, tears escaping down her cheeks.

"No," Mr. Hansen growled hoarsely.

"He did," Colonel O'Neill confirmed, grasping both of Carter's shoulders from behind. "It wasn't anyone's fault." His words were firm, leaving no room for argument. She knew those last words were for her, not Hansen's parents.

"No!" Mr. Hansen repeated angrily. "He can't have! Our son was a scientist, not a field operative! He _can't_ have!"

A field operative? Just how many lies had Hansen fed his own parents? "We're sorry for your loss," Colonel O'Neill said, "but there's nothing anyone can do now."

"Nothing anyone can do?" Mrs. Hansen repeated. "Wasn't there anything someone could've done to keep our son from dying? Why didn't someone stop it! And you!" she glared at Carter angrily. Carter flinched. "You're obviously not all that upset at your fiancé's death! What was going on between you two?"

"Ex-fiancé," Captain Carter corrected softly, her eyes shifting to the ground.

"What?" Mr. Hansen asked, surprised. Mrs. Hansen could only stare at her open-mouthed.

Captain Carter took a deep breath. "Captain Hansen and I ended the engagement a few weeks before his death," she lied shakily.

They stared at her for a long moment, both crying openly now. It was Mr. Hansen who finally straightened and said, "Get out."

"No!" his wife protested. "How did he die?" she begged to know.

"Get. Out," Mr. Hansen said again.

Carter was silent for a moment. "A reactor blew up in one of the labs. Hansen was trying to save the other scientists and didn't get out in time. He saved the lives of five men, Mrs. Hansen. We're proud of him and sincerely regret his death," she lied softly. "I'm sorry."

She turned to leave, Colonel O'Neill murmuring something similar as he followed. Carter just made it into their rental car before she collapsed into fits of sobbing. She punched the roof of the small car as she sobbed on it. It wasn't fair!

Colonel O'Neill pulled her away from it and into his arms. She turned and punched weakly into his chest instead, her fists not having the strength to hurt him, to hurt or destroy anything…

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

They'd gone to a hotel. Their next flight was at 0900 the next morning.

As they checked into their room, Carter gave their bags to the bellboy and nodded to Colonel O'Neill. The hotel wasn't the fanciest around, but neither was it Motel 8. Comfortable and pleasant but not extreme.

"That's the great thing about this," Colonel O'Neill remarked as he handed the cashier a card.

"What is?" she asked.

"That the Air Force's paying for it," he grinned. She smiled back sadly and they went up to their room.

"Will you be needing anything else, sir, ma'am?" the bellboy asked when the Colonel handed him his tip.

"No thanks," Colonel O'Neill said.

"Alright. Have a nice day."

"You too."

When the bellboy had left, they went in and Colonel O'Neill shut the door and locked it. Carter turned and noticed something was pretty wrong…something she hadn't noticed before…

"Uhh…sir…"

He turned and at once realized what she was referring to.

There was only one bed.

……………………………………….

"What do you mean you don't have any bedrooms with two beds? We booked a room a week ago, specifically with _two beds_! …No, a cot will _not_ work. Neither one of us is going to sleep on a cot! …No, it's not 'satisfactory', no cots or sleeping bags! Look, miss, we're not the President of the United States but we're not second class citizens here, either! …Look, will ya stop wasting the military's money and put us in the room they paid for? …YES, the goddamn military! …FINE!" Colonel O'Neill slammed the phone back onto its cradle and whirled around to face Captain Carter, fuming.

"I take it we're not getting a different room, then?" she asked wryly.

"No. They claim they're booked."

"This hotel is the closest one to the airport. I wouldn't have minded sleeping on a cot or in a sleeping bag, sir. I've had worse," she said.

"Neither one of us is sleeping on a cot, and sleeping bags aren't much better. We have it bad enough as it is, being here because we had to…" his words trailed off, then he said, "We're sleeping on the bed tonight."

"Both of us?" she squeaked uncharacteristically. He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Sure. It's not like…" He paused again, his cheeks pinking faintly. "It's not like there's going to be any funny business, f'cryin out loud!" he finished bluntly.

Carter grinned slightly. "No, sir. Okay."

"Okay what?"

She frowned slightly. "Okay as in okay we're both on the bed tonight."

"Oh. Right. I gotcha."

……………………………………….

Carter awoke shivering and sweating. The nightmares where as vivid as ever, but she was getting better at handling them. No more screaming or outright sobbing – at least, on the outside, anyway…

She tried to sit up when she realized something was stopping her. A very warm, strong some_body_ was stopping her. Somehow in the night, she and Colonel O'Neill had migrated from their respected sides of the bed to the middle, where their bodies entwined; they were facing each other, Carter's left arm slung over his side, his right arm over hers, their legs tangled together, and their bodies pressed together. His steady, sleepy heartbeat meshed against her wild, throbbing heartbeat and his breath was warm on her face.

And it all felt right.

Carter took a moment to analyze this. She'd never been this…cuddly…with Hansen, and definitely never at night. Yet this strange and new experience was comfortable, and even…nice. Better than nice.

Then her military mind when into a fit. This was her CO! They weren't supposed to be in the same bed, let alone tangled up in each other! They probably shouldn't even be in the same _room_. This was all so inappropriate! …Then again, at least neither of them slept naked…

And thankfully, O'Neill had made it a point to wear a loose t-shirt and boxers, and she wore similar nightclothes. She'd left the Snoopy tee and the Piglet sweats at home, though…

What was she to do? "Colonel," she whispered. He grunted and fell into an even deeper sleep, if that was possible. Carter sighed and tried to pry herself away, but the harder and farther she got, the more aggressively he pulled her back, grunting and making an almost…_whimpering_ sound. He clearly unconsciously didn't want her to move; she was his…well, "teddy" so to speak.

Well, whatever the reason, she wouldn't hold it against him if only he would just…let…go! She yanked herself clear away from him in one final stroke, and sighed with relief, sinking back into the sheets. She closed her eyes and tried to think…what would she do now…?

The mattress started shifting under her and she opened her eyes with a silent, _Oh no…_

Colonel O'Neill was wriggling back towards her. At this rate he'd have her off the bed if she wanted to get any space.

As he drew near she stilled, deciding to just wait it out until he woke up. It _did_ feel nice, after all (her conscience was throwing a fit at that confession). He'd probably be very embarrassed about the whole thing, anyway.

_God, the man is a deep sleeper!_ she thought, somewhat amused. Put him in a situation where he knows he needs to be alert and ready on a moment's notice and a pin dropping would have him on his feet, but any other time – snore!

Captain Carter was less than amused, though, when the Colonel's groggily-flapping hand groped a rather sensitive part as he was trying to get near her again. She gasped, not believing the strength the man had in one hand. Or was it just her? _Both,_ she decided.

"Colonel!" she yelped, slapping his hand. The hand didn't move away, however, and she only added to her pain. She clenched her teeth and sucked in a deep breath. _Damn_ the man had a lot of strength in one hand!

"COLONEL!" she bellowed. She had a feeling she was rattling the entire hotel with her shouting, but it was worth it, because at that moment Colonel O'Neill awoke with a grunt, looking wildly around him.

"Wha – What? What's wrong? What's happening?" he asked, instantly alert to any possible danger, not knowing that the only danger he would be in would be with HER if he didn't remove his hand – right. Now.

When all she did was glower at him, he suddenly seemed to realize his arm was outstretched. His eyes trailed down it and froze when they reached her chest. He seemed to be in shock at the fact he was clutching one of her breasts in a very painful manner, one that wasn't helped any by PMS or the horrid day they'd just had.

"Colonel," she began through her clenched teeth, "I want you to know I mean this in the most respectful manner." He looked at her, puzzled.

"If you don't remove your hand _this_ _instant_, serious pain will occur in your perky little 'sidearm'." – Which had been quite perky for the majority of the night…

He dropped her breast like it was a hot rock and she jumped off the bed, storming into the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

sgcsgcsgcsgcscsgcsgcsgc

Which was how she came to be on the flight home without having said a word to Colonel O'Neill and without being spoken to by Colonel O'Neill. She didn't hurt anymore, except maybe her pride, but that could heal. She just wished he would say anything – _anything_.

They were sitting mere inches apart, in two side-by-side seats on the plane, but they felt farther apart than they ever had. Carter didn't even know that man sitting next to her; it was like some alien had swooped down and replaced him with Mr. Silent.

_Don't joke,_ she thought to herself. _That could happen._

But…god. First Hansen...then Hansen's death…and now…this? She didn't even know what to make of this. With Hansen it was relatively easy to understand: _Yes, I was scared of him. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I hated him. Yes, I was confused when he died._ But this? She didn't even know where to begin to contemplate this. A part of her didn't even want to.

But, one thing WAS sure…she couldn't let it go on like this. They couldn't go on like this. They were a part of a team and had to function like one, both with the team and as a duet.

"Ah, sir?" she finally said hastily. He turned his head to look at her. She was leaning sideways, towards him, but couldn't meet his eyes, preferring, rather, to stare at the fiddling fingers he held in his lap.

"For the record, sir, I'm sorry."

He hesitated. "What for, Captain?" he asked, looking straight ahead again, straightening his tie to match the rest of him: straight and solemn.

"I…I was out of line." Captain Carter looked back down to her own lap. "I…"

There was silence for a moment, then Colonel O'Neill twisted around in his seat and ordered softly, "Carter, look at me."

Slowly, she did.

"Tell me: did I do anything…inappropriate…other than, of course, you know…" he waved his hand as though it would magically say for him, "other than when I groped your breast".

Startled, she shook her head. "No sir. You, ah, _we_ sort of moved to the center and got…tangled…but it was harmless tangling." For the most part. The way his "sidearm" stood to attention during their little tangle still shocked the hell out of her, though.

He laughed bitterly. "Yeah, sure."

Carter was hurt by his tone and she hated that. Just because he'd been supportive of her throughout this whole "Hansen-Hell" period didn't mean she needed him, depended on him. She would be just as fine with any other son of a – she didn't finish that sentence…

He'd looked away from her, and normally she wouldn't have pushed eye contact or conversation, but she was through. Through being the weak female. Through being the one people could disrespect whenever they pleased. She considered him coolly, icily so, and said, "You know, sir, I don't blame you. In fact, I still respect you, every bit as much as I did when you flew out here with me."

He raised his eyebrows in shock. "Really?"

"Yes, really! I understand that you'd never do anything like that, never do anything to hurt me physically or emotionally." She was almost flirting now, tossing her hair out of her eyes and using her eyebrows and eyelashes frequently.

"Really," he said more flatly.

She smiled. "Really," she said as she looked away. He too looked straight in front of him again, and that was when she dropped the bombshell.

"It's not your fault your unconsciousness is sluttish."

Colonel O'Neill choked on his last breath. "_What_?" he exclaimed, staring at her like she'd grown two additional heads. She could almost hear him demanding, _Who are you and what've you done with my 2IC?_

Still, she stared at the back of the head in front of her.

"Carter," O'Neill said defensively, "now _that_ was inappropriate."

"So was what you did last night. That _hurt_, by the way! You don't grab a woman like that around this _time_." She willed him to understand.

He seemed to pale a few shades, but quickly came back and snarled, "Oh, poor woman, it _huuuuurts._" His tone was like a knife and her fingers prickled with anger and hurt. She balled her hands into fists as emotional waves clashed through her.

She couldn't take this right now!

_Why_ couldn't she take this right now?

It was so obvious and yet so confusing; she couldn't believe that she, Captain Samantha Carter, couldn't handle it! It was a lot to take on at once, Hansen's death and her CO's sudden hostility toward her, but she was a strong person! She should be able to handle it!

But, nope. Her arms were shaking and her breathing was labored. God, she couldn't even look at him anymore; she turned her whole body to face the window as best as she could and squeezed her eyes shut, her only barrier against the tears. She knew people were watching, and suddenly, didn't care.

"Hey, buddy!" she heard a man from the row behind them say. "Wanna lay off the lady a bit? Looks like she's had a bad day. I don't think you're exactly helping!"

"Can't believe some men today," a lady in front of her murmured.

"Doesn't anyone respect anyone these days?" agreed the man next to her, and the woman smiled at him, touching his hand. It was obvious they were together.

"Oh f'cryin' out loud," O'Neill muttered, and she felt a hand on her back. She flinched involuntarily, but didn't stop him. He leaned over and she felt his breath in her ear: "I'm sorry."

All her anger seemed to melt from her and she was left with an incredible sadness. When his warmth moved away, she twisted back around to follow it. Colonel O'Neill simply held her without argument, and she began to wonder if she should be wary of men who could drain her anger with just a touch and a word…


	14. Chapter 14

(This is set after _Brief Candle_, approx. 2 weeks after Colonel O'Neill & Captain Carter return from Washington.)

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

"It's good to have you back, Colonel," General Hammond said over the intercom. He seemed shocked to see his 2IC looking like the corpse groom. "I take it you _will_ be turning back, correct?"

Colonel O'Neill looked back to Captain Carter for confirmation. "About two weeks sir, yes," she said.

Hammond gave a brief nod. "Very well," he said. "Get checked out then go home, people. We'll have our briefing tomorrow afternoon."

"Yes sir!" Colonel O'Neill said enthusiastically.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcgscgscgsc

Dr. Fraiser had just let her go, and she walked in on Colonel O'Neill. "Oh, hey, Carter," he said grudgingly as he pulled on his shirt and closed his locker, fiddling with his keys.

She raised an eyebrow. "Hi, sir."

He hesitated, then said, "Something…wrong?"

Carter shook her head. "No sir."

O'Neill sucked on his lip for a moment. "Still have nightmares?" he asked.

She tilted her head at him. "Yeah. They're getting easier to deal with, though. I forgot to turn on the lights before I went to sleep, woke up to a dark, empty house, and didn't freak out."

He gave a sort of half-shrug. "Sounds like you're getting there," he said slowly.

She nodded and patted her legs nervously. "So…why 're you here?" asked Colonel O'Neill.

"I kind of wanted to get changed, showered…the works?" she said pointedly.

"Oh, right!" he said, somewhat flustered. "I knew that." He looked around again and said, "Well, I guess I'll see you later, I guess."

He was halfway on his way to the door before he swung around and strolled back to her.

"Sir?" she asked, surprised when she was enveloped in a brief hug. She felt his chest rise as he drew in a deep breath. He seemed to be prolonging every moment.

God, it felt good. Only that "tangle session" they'd had at the hotel in Washington topped it…ack! _BAD Sam!_ her conscience scolded her. He was her superior officer!

When O'Neill pulled back, she looked at him questioningly. "Sir?"

He gave her a sheepish smile. "I guess I just wanted to thank you, you know…for figuring out that danged device to help me 'n the Argosians."

Her cheeks tinted pink. "You're the one who found the transmitter," she said, flustered.

"Yeah, I did. But…thanks anyway." He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on her cheek, making her squeak very slightly. He smirked when he saw her stunned expression and strutted out the door, calling over his shoulder, "See ya tomorrow morning, Carter! Don't even think about pulling an all-nighter and _don't_ make me make that an order!"

A hand was slowly moving to touch her cheek, the warmth of his lips touching her flesh much too alive and fresh. "Yes sir," she murmured, still staring at the empty doorway.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Captain Carter did as Colonel O'Neill requested; at 2100, she packed up her laptop and left. Instead of working on that book of hers, she left her laptop untouched and chose a movie instead. "Homeward Bound" sounded good. She loved animal movies.

It was 2240 when the movie ended, but it was well worth it. The ending with the pets returning home (especially Shadow's surprise survival) brought tears to her eyes, and Chance's "_Turkey, turkey, turkey!_" had given her fits of laughter. And now she was tired and more than ready for bed.

She pulled on her pjs sleepily and turned off the light as she gracefully lowered herself under the covers. For the first time in…when?...she fell asleep with a smile on her lips, and something in her heart she could only describe as peace.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

A few hours later she woke up groggily. _Huh?_ she thought, confused. She stared at her clock for a moment. 0220. Huh? Her confusion turned to exasperation. Why was she up at 0220?

Then it hit her.

"YES!" she squealed, not caring how girlish it sounded. She leapt onto her feet and bounced on her bed with all the excitement of a four-year-old. "Yes, yes, YES!"

Then she gasped. "I have to tell Colonel O'Neill!" she said excitedly, letting herself fall into a sitting position with her legs dangling off the side of the bed. She snatched the phone from its cradle and dialed him feverishly.

It rang five times before a click came and her CO's groggy voice grumbled, "O'Neill."

"Colonel, it's Captain Carter!" she said, rushed, trying not to shout into the phone.

"Uhh…Carter?" he asked tiredly.

She nodded rapidly as though he could see her, "Yes."

"Whas wrong?" he asked, voice slurred.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!"

There was pause. "Huh?"

"Absolutely nothing!" she repeated, her excitement unfazed by his confusion.

"…Then why 're you…OH!" he said suddenly, and she heard sheets rumbling in the background. It must've shocked him so much he sat straight up, his body coming to attention along with his mind. "Well, good for you, Carter!" There was a pause. "Can we go back to sleep, then?"

She laughed. "Yes sir."

"If you managed to shake the nightmare, then why are you up at this godforsaken time in the morning, anyway?"

"My body's used to it, sir. It thinks 0220 is normal. If I've shaken the nightmare for real, my body clock will go back to normal eventually."

"So your clock's whacked?"

She giggled. "Yes sir."

"No giggling, Captain."

That only made her giggle harder.


	15. Chapter 15

(This is set a few weeks later, just before _Cold Lazarus._ Thanks everyone for your awesome reviews and I hope you liked it!)

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Slowly, Captain Carter's confidence returned full blast. She was sleeping dreamlessly every night (with the exception of a few random nightmares, which honestly didn't effect her as horribly as they used to) and felt great even though she was waking up at 0220 still.

"Carter, getting any extra sleep?" the Colonel asked one morning as he handed her a mug of coffee.

She accepted it gladly. "Thank you. No, I didn't," she added with a sigh. They sat at one of the tables in the commissary.

"Think you'll make it through the mission tomorrow?"

She winced. "Yeah. I don't really have much of a choice." She was silent for a moment before she said, "I'm not going to complain about the lack of sleep. It took months the last time to get to this stage. It's like I'm on speed dial."

"Still…?" he prompted.

"The lack of sleep is irritating at best," she finished dryly, and she downed the rest of the coffee. She stared at the empty mug and said, "I'm gonna get a refill."

He nodded wordlessly and she poured herself another cup. Today felt like it was going to be a long day…

"TGIF," she muttered. Thank GOD it's Friday!

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

It was only 2000 and she wanted to claw her eyes out from sheer boredom! Carter rested her arms on the desk and rubbed her eyes 'till they hurt.

"Tired much?" asked a voice from the doorway.

"Hey, Colonel," she mumbled without looking.

The Colonel walked in and picked up a pen she'd previously been holding and began to fiddle with it. "Carter, you're whooped. Go home. Get some sleep."

"What little of it I get," she muttered, forgetting momentarily her promise not to complain about it.

O'Neill watched her for a moment, sucking on his inner cheek before puffing out a breath. "Look," he said, rubbing his neck, "why don't I drive you home. It's Friday for another whole four hours; enjoy what left of it you have. And tomorrow morning, come over to my place with Daniel 'n Teal'c for my famous omelettes."

She thought about it for a moment. "It does sound good," she admitted slowly.

"I could always order you!" he joked with a grin that made her knees shaky.

Carter mustered a grin, too. "Well, alright," she agreed. "Give me two minutes to shut this down." She gestured to her laptop and he nodded. With that, they left together and were topside ten minutes later.

"Which car should we take?" she asked.

"Mine," he said. "I'll drive you home then go home myself. You'll have to give me directions, however."

As they loaded into his truck, she asked, "Why are you driving me home if you don't know where I live?"

He answered wryly, "Because you'll fall asleep at the wheel if I let you try to drive yourself."

His smirk didn't falter at her indigenous, "Sir!"

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

When he finally pulled over to the curb outside her house, he shut off the engine and said, "I'll walk you up."

She looked at him, surprised. "You don't have to, sir!"

He gave her a lopsided grin. "My mother always told me that if I drive a pretty lady home, I better walk her to her doorstep and give her a proper 'goodnight' before driving off."

Carter snickered, despite her reddening blush at his compliment. "Well, thank you sir," she flirted. "What else did your mother tell you?" she asked as she opened the gate to her yard for them.

"Ah…something about…something else…"

Captain Carter grinned. "In other words, you made it up."

There was silence for a minute as they ascended onto the porch, and she turned to face him with a smirk of her own.

"Umm…yeah, pretty much. Used that one on all my dates in high school."

"Quite the lady's man, then?"

O'Neill shrugged. "Mmm…sort of."

"How many girls did that line work on?"

"Not many."

"So I'm…?"

"The first it's worked on."

Carter laughed and dipped her head, blushing vividly, looking up at him sheepishly. He leaned over and hugged her, placing a discreet, light kiss on her cheek before his chin cradled her shoulder. He squeezed her tightly, and she squeezed back.

When Colonel O'Neill leaned back, he paused, looking at her with something in his expression she couldn't quite define. For the strangest reason, he looked like he was about to kiss her again, and not just on the cheek…

But then he shook his head slightly, as though to clear it, and the idea was promptly thrown away. "Night, Carter," he said gruffly, avoiding her eyes as he turned to hurry down the stairs.

"Thanks for taking me home, sir," she said.

"Think _nothing_ of it, Captain!" he called back in a sort of singsong voice that made her giggle under her breath.

Carter watched him drive away without looking back, and then went inside to change and go to sleep, her heart feeling uncharacteristically light.

Still, she reasoned, _Of course he wasn't going to kiss me. Even if it weren't against regulations, if he were interested in me _that_ way, he would've said something._ The whole idea was just preposterous, she decided as she lowered herself into the covers. Simply preposterous.

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

_AHN AHN AHN AHN AHN AHN!_

Captain Carter awoke to a hideous noise. It sounded like a cross between a dying cow and a sick cat… What _was_ that noise?

Her eyes fluttered open, and she noticed her alarm clock's numbers flashing angrily at her as though to say, "HELLO! Wake UP!"

_Oh, it's just my alarm clock…_

Carter bolted upright. Her alarm clock.

Light filtered from under her curtains, and she heard a faint chirping of birds from outside the open window.

It was 0721. Not only had she slept to her alarm, which was set to ring at 0_6_00, she had slept nearly an hour and a half _past_ it!

This was way too amazing for the childlike excitement she'd had when she shook the nightmare. This was so incredibly awesome.

"No way," she whispered. "Holy Hannah, I slept the whole night. The whole night." Her chest swelled with pride and love, and it felt like all the gods – both false and divine – were smiling down on her and shining down their mercy. "I did it," she whispered. "I slept through it. No nightmare. No 0220 wake-up. I just slept through nearly an hour and a half of my _alarm clock's_ irritable noise!"

Quickly, she leaned over and grabbed the phone to dial a number.

It was answered on the first ring by an upbeat Colonel O'Neill. "Hey Carter, saw you on the caller ID," he said cheerfully with the sound of burning sausage in the background. "Just getting ready for breakfast. What's up?"

"Colonel," she said seriously and incredulously, "I'm calling you at 0720. Do you know what that _means_?"

There was only breathing on the other end for a moment. "No way," his voice echoed her thoughts.

"Holy Hannah, YES!" she said excitedly. "I slept through my _alarm clock_!"

"You set your alarm clock on a Friday night?" he asked, amused.

"I had to! What if there was the remote possibility I slept through to it, like I did last night?"

"Mmm…true. So, you hungry?"

"Oh, I'm too excited to eat!"

"Carter, don't replace one health issue with another," he warned. "I don't want to have to call you to make sure you're eating."

She giggled. "No, sir," she agreed. "I'll be there…when?"

"Does 0900 sound good?"

"Done," she said. She hesitated. "Sir, where _do_ you live?"

"Oh. Never mind that. I'll pick you up instead. Be there by 0830, 'kay?"

"Okay, sir. See you then," she said, and he said one more goodbye before hanging up. Hmm…it was 0730 now. Time to shower and get ready.

She paused for a moment. "Scratch the shower," she said aloud, and she went to one of her bathroom cabinets and got out a special, non-irritating bubble bath from it. She was going to soak in a bath for as long as time allowed, to celebrate her uneventful sleep.

As her bathwater ran, she chose jeans, sneakers, and her favorite blouse from the closet. This was going to be a good day.

Maybe she'd do something later…go to the park, or ice skating at the local rink…


	16. Epilogue

Yes, I'm sorry, it's almost done :( This is the last installment of my "Devil" series. As you have read, Sammie has a) defeated Hansen, b) defeated the nightmare, andtttt c) gotten a decent night's sleep, so one thing remains… the little surprise I promised Aria!

Thank you EVERYONE for reading and reviewing. You're all awesome!

Aria? Enjoy… :)

(Set just after _Cold Lazarus_, a few days after the breakfast SG-1 shared at O'Neill's house)

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Captain Carter went home at 0200 and groaned. That was horrible. Simply horrible. A crystallized O'Neill double? "Sam" he'd called her. She _knew_ there was something funny about him!

Besides, the real Jack O'Neill would've given her a smartass comment for not-so-subtly subtly telling him to get the hell out of the locker room.

She sighed and flopped down on the sofa.

A wife and kid. He was married? God!

Carter wasn't stupid. In fact, she was quite intelligent and was smart enough to know when she was getting, well, a…a "schoolgirl crush" on somebody. An "I'm interested but not really" deal. And she knew it could – and _would_ if given the chance – grow, maybe to something distinctly _more._ At that moment when she'd asked about the pictures, if they were of his family, he'd said, "Yes…" like he was in a trance.

It'd surprised the life out of her, but she tried not to show it, and had made a fool of herself doing it. "I'm an Auntie, myself." God, she'd sounded…conceited, like her nephew and niece were worth more than his _wife_ and _son_.

Then it turned out they were divorced and their son died…then she felt guilty. Lower than low. Ultra dirty.

Then when they walked out of the hospital room with Crystal-O'Neill, now a Crystal-Charlie, he had embraced her more tightly than she had ever seen.

"We were good together," Sara had said. "Weren't we."

O'Neill had hesitated. "We were the greatest," he said softly.

The greatest. Of course. Which made her feel foolish to have ever been remotely attracted to him.

Carter sighed again and closed her eyes. It was time to go to sleep, and if she didn't get moving now she'd fall asleep right there on the couch, fully dressed. And she _really_ didn't want to do that.

It seemed to take an eternity to change and crawl under her covers…

As her eyes fluttered shut, she noticed her open window. Huh. She hadn't opened it…

_Oh no._ She shot up in bed. Not Hansen. He was _dead_! Dead!

She turned, her whole body frozen, to face the doorway, expecting to see his dark form and glinting eyes.

Instead, she saw Jack O'Neill. "Sam," he breathed, walking into the room, expression dizzy with ecstasy. In one sweeping movement, he swept her into his arms and kissed her.

Desire shot from her lips to her groin. She returned the kiss, passionately, and their tongues tangled for dominance. When he broke off the kiss, his lips trailed down her neck to her collarbone, and he took one of her hands and placed it on his groin; he was hard and ready and that made her squirm with pleasure and excitement. "Ohhhmmm…oh, Jack…Jack…" Then he lifted her t-shirt over her head, ever…so…slowly…

sgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgcsgc

Carter shot up in bed, stunned, her whole body tingling, hot and wet.

_Oh shit…_


End file.
